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registering…
Question:
>We’ve been getting comments from >both sides of the family that we didn’t register for enought >moderatly priced "glamour" gifts (like silver bowls, >candlesticks, etc.) — it seems everyone wants to buy us a >gift that will remind us of the person who bought it for us, >but no one wants to buy us Tupperware…
I don’t mean this personally, but if that’s what they want to get you, why don’t they just go out and get you that? A registry is just a list of suggestions, and if you don’t like any of them, you are perfectly free to get anything else you want to give. It’s been my experience that registry lists are not everything the couple would like…at least judging from the responses to some of the non-registry gifts they received. — just tell me where to get more wax!
Response:
>> would it be possible (read: tacky) to set up an account (read: register) > at a bank? When asked where we registered, we could just reply either > "We set up a fund at So-and-so National Bank", or we could just say > "We registered at So-and-so National Bank"? >I would say off the top of my head that this isn’t going to
A cousin of mine did something like this, and it did NOT go over well at all. Several members of the family just didn’t go to the wedding, because they were not all that close to the couple and were really insulted by the implication that the event was a fundraiser. Others ignored the request and just gave standard houseware type items. It created a lot of bad feeling around what should have been a joyful occasion, and it has become family folklore for an example of extreme vulgarity. I’d be really careful and really sensitive to people’s feelings on this issue. Personally, I would never give money as a gift, and I don’t think my feelings are all that uncommon.
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> Now having said this, > would it be possible (read: tacky) to set up an account (read: register) > at a bank? When asked where we registered, we could just reply either > "We set up a fund at So-and-so National Bank", or we could just say > "We registered at So-and-so National Bank"?
I would say off the top of my head that this isn’t going to go over well with most folks. We are having similar problems; we have pretty much furnished our house, so we registered for items that we really wanted and a few high-end dream items, just in case someone really wanted to buy us an expensive gift. We’ve been getting comments from both sides of the family that we didn’t register for enought moderatly priced "glamour" gifts (like silver bowls, candlesticks, etc.) — it seems everyone wants to buy us a gift that will remind us of the person who bought it for us, but no one wants to buy us Tupperware… Going around "tradtional ettiquette", here are a couple of suggestions: 1. Make your own registry and distribute it to people who ask you where you are registered. 2. Make giving money to a fund creative. If Aunt Betsy gives you $200, tell her paid for the study, and everytime you use it, you think of her. But, the short answer is, no, you are not supposed to ask for cash gifts. Stephanie & John May 22, 1994
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I posted the following in the "Gimme Cash" Weddings thread, but since that was apparently an old thread, I decided to stick it in this one too (I didn’t see this thread until I had already posted, and this one seems more appropriate): Ok, I’m gonna ask this, although I know I’ll probably get shot down. I am in grad school and my fiance is graduating in May and moving down here after we marry in August. I have a functional household (I live by myself) and so does she. We really don’t want or need china, silver, crystal, or anything else. Marcy (my soon-to-be-wife) will be getting a job teaching high school, and we’ll have to live primarily on her income. We are much more worried about paying for insurance and rent than we are anything else. Now having said this, would it be possible (read: tacky) to set up an account (read: register) at a bank? When asked where we registered, we could just reply either "We set up a fund at So-and-so National Bank", or we could just say "We registered at So-and-so National Bank"? | Roger L. Smith – CS Grad | It’s hard to make a program foolproof | | Mississippi State University | because fools are so ingenious. |
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I just got a catalog from Land’s End. They now have a bridal registry. If anyone is interested I have the address at home. They carry all kinds of linens and wonderful towels. —
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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > We will apparently be registering fairly soon, and have some questions > about the whole registery thing. We like the idea of being registered > somewhere so people can get ideas of what we would like to get, and I > know it is sure nice when you are buying a wedding gift and have no > idea what to purchase. However,… > We are a fairly casual couple and don’t care too much about the silver > & china(getting Grandma’s anyways) & crystal. We’ve also noticed that > [every]thing is way over priced at the Department stores that have > registries. Note that we are both grad. students and are trained to > find the best sales in town 
So we aren’t sure what to do. We don’t > want our guests to shell out money for over-priced items, but I know > our folks will kill us if we don’t register somewhere. When we go > through the items, we don’t seem to come up with say more than 40 we > think of as a reasonable gifts, but we are sending out 125 > invitations, so I don’t think that will work. Are we just looking at > this whole thing the wrong way? Ideas? > Kim
I was just in the same position. Let those who have money go to the Department Store (Service Merchandise has Bridal Registry too) where you registered. Let everyone else get the list at the department store, and go to Big Lots or their favorite discount store. One of my new aunts gave us the neatest gift I’ve ever seen for a shower – I a big box she had a couple of bath and hand towels, washcloths, dishcloths & towels, oven mit, potholders, {no I’m not done yet:-} and a bottle of Comet, pkg of toilet paper, johnny brush, scrub brush for dishes, a bottle of dish soap, and a package of bar soap. I still may have forgotten some (garbage bags included too). But it was a box that basically had one of everything to start a home functionally – all the little things. I’m sure she got most of it from a grocery or discount store, but I’d rather have twice the stuff and no name brands. Put together a list of cheap gadgets for your bridesmaids to have. My MOH asked me several times what inexpensive stuff we wanted for our friends that have very little money – like some stainless mixing bowls I saw at "Everything’s a Dollar". We’ve gotten small things from friends on restrictive budgets, and expensive things from the poeple my Dad works with and the older family members, and the older family friends. Warning – we have gotten 5 candle holders (4 crystal, 1 brass) and a crystal candy dish so far, none of which we registered for. We didn’t register for a whole lot, just what we needed figured those we knew could afford. I didn’t really consider all the family friends who have more money. But we are getting most everything we registered for, plus some nice expensive stuff too. I can’t wait to see what else we get – the packages are still at home on the floor waiting (begging) to be opened. Let me know if you have any questions. anna & paul 3-12-94 – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> (5/21/94)
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We’re going to be registering soon, so I’ve been following this thread with interest. I’ve got an interesting situation to deal with and need some suggestions. We’re getting married in my VERY SMALL hometown in Colorado which has only a few stores. The tradition is for brides to register at a smallish country crafts store in my hometown. Ok, fine, no problem, except I happen to LOATHE the things they carry! I’ve planned to register at Macy’s Foley’s and Crate and Barrel since they have nationwide stores, but I know the traditionalists in my hometown are going to go directly to this little store and I’ve GOT to be registered there or else there’ll be some sort of scandal. Any ideas on how to escape this situation with the least amount of crisis? –Gretchen (who would never be so rude as to assume that her guests are going to bring gifts, but would REALLY like to avoid the ceramic chickens and plastic pig cookie jars.)
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>Re: registering at Crate and Barrell instead of department stores: >I’ve also heard lots of people say they registered at Cargo Express. I think >that’s about the ONLY place we’re going to register. >Mary
Be careful about registering at the Cargo Express. In this part of Ohio they a re all going out of business. It’d probably be best to call and verify it with them before you go making any big plans. anna.
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Is it acceptable to register at two places? I realize this sounds astoundingly greedy, and I probably won’t do it anyway — but I would love to get flannel sheets from L.L.Bean and kitchen stuff from somewhere else … just curious. Also, have people found that most guests buy gifts from the place of registry or just buy whatever? We’re having a very small wedding and I’m wondering if it’s worth it to register if only a few people will bother going to this place. Thanks! Nancy — "Some people are unable to experience even the slightest of life’s pleasures without being thrown into frenzies of analysis." – P.J. O’Rourke
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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >We will apparently be registering fairly soon, and have some questions >about the whole registery thing. We like the idea of being registered >somewhere so people can get ideas of what we would like to get, and I >know it is sure nice when you are buying a wedding gift and have no >idea what to purchase. However,… >We are a fairly casual couple and don’t care too much about the silver >& china(getting Grandma’s anyways) & crystal. We’ve also noticed that >things like flatware, dinnerware, linens, gadgets, well, most items, >seem to be way over priced at the Department stores that have >(snip, sorry, have to have more new text)… >Kim >(5/21/94)
Kim, we’re in about the same boat and have decided to register at Crate and Barrel. They have lots of cookware and everyday dishes, glassware, etc. but I don’t think they are as expensive as department stores. In fact, the main reason we chose them is that they have stores nationwide and a computerized bridal registry linked to all their stores. We are having a number of guests/relatives who live in NJ, MI, CO, AZ, IN, TN, etc. while we are in CA, so this was the biggest advantage. We may also register at a department store in our area for the local wedding guests. We will probably register here for linens, possibly sheets/comforter, maybe other more unusual wedding things. Like everyone, our goal is to give our guests an idea of what we’d like while having stuff in a reasonable price range (for the most part). And since we have decided not to register for china, we thought Crate and Barrel would be quite suitable… Carol Horvath
Response:
>seem to be way over priced at the Department stores that have >registries. Note that we are both grad. students and are trained to >find the best sales in town So we aren’t sure what to do. We don’t >want our guests to shell out money for over-priced items, but I know >our folks will kill us if we don’t register somewhere. When we go >through the items, we don’t seem to come up with say more than 40 we >think of as a reasonable gifts, but we are sending out 125 >invitations, so I don’t think that will work. Are we just looking at >this whole thing the wrong way? Ideas?
It’s been my experience with weddings I’ve attended that maybe half of the guests will purchase something from the registry – the rest will either give cash, or something special that they’ve selected. So long as you have a range of prices in your registry so those who want to select something from there have a choice, I wouldn’t worry about it after that. Remember also that what you think of as a reasonable gift may not coincide with that of others. Different families have different traditions, and no one’s really wrong (although I STILL feel that $95.00 for a meat fork is unreasonable . — just tell me where to get more wax!