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name change NEW
Question:
>>okay, here goes >is it so strange that i am going to change my last name to that of my >bride-to-be’s? i’ve taken a lot of shit for it >any comments?
(snip) >doing this, but I don’t see anything wrong with it. It may be harder for >you to change your name legally at the time of marriage than it is for a >woman, though I don’t know this for sure and have only heard rumors to >this effect.
As understand it, at the time of marriage the women can legally change her name (any or all parts of it) to anything she desires, at no charge. If the man wants to change his name, he must go through regular court procedures (and costs) to get it legally changed. Kim
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->>okay, here goes >>is it so strange that i am going to change my last name to that of my >>bride-to-be’s? i’ve taken a lot of shit for it >>any comments? >(snip) >doing this, but I don’t see anything wrong with it. It may be harder for >you to change your name legally at the time of marriage than it is for a >woman, though I don’t know this for sure and have only heard rumors to >this effect. >As understand it, at the time of marriage the women can legally change >her name (any or all parts of it) to anything she desires, at no >charge. If the man wants to change his name, he must go through >regular court procedures (and costs) to get it legally changed. >Kim
This would differ from state to state, as such things fall under state law. The above may be true in NM but clearly is not everywhere — including Michigan, Maryland, and New York — three that I happen to know of. In fact, if the man is required to go thru legal proceedings anywhere, this requirement should be challenged since it is discriminatory! If one party can easily change their name due to marriage, so should the other. Actually, I think most states have no laws about the man taking the woman’s name, since it is so uncommon. My friend who did this (earlier post) got quizzical looks from everyone and totally confused and flustered the Dept. of MOtor Vehicle people, but when he explained that he had simply gotten married…they eventually figured it out. -Lake
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|> As understand it, at the time of marriage the women can legally change |> her name (any or all parts of it) to anything she desires, at no |> charge. If the man wants to change his name, he must go through |> regular court procedures (and costs) to get it legally changed. Actually, you can change your name at any time, and it is *not* legally required that you go through the courts to do so (male or female). It is *recommended* that you do it through the court process if you have your name on a lot of documents–that is, if you have a stock portfolio, own property, etc. Also, to get a passport, you must have either a court decree OR proof that you have been using the new name consistently for a minimum of five years. Having a court document to make your name change look "official" is reassuring to people and will make the process easier. However, there is no law that requires you to do this. You can change your name simply by consistently using the new one everywhere, all the time. You need to demonstrate that you have no intent to defraud, avoid creditors, etc. I changed my name this way in 1988. The only people who gave me trouble were, oddly enough, Nordstrom, the customer service people! I cancelled my card and applied for a new one under the new name. My employer, the SS office, DMV, most credit cards, etc had no problem with my name change. Luckily, by the time I needed a new passport, it had been just barely five years, so I was able to prove consistent usage and get a new passport with no court decree. Court costs would have been about $300. I’m glad I did it "my way"! — Christina Cary Technical Publications Floss daily!
Response:
: > : >|> As understand it, at the time of marriage the women can legally change : >|> her name (any or all parts of it) to anything she desires, at no : >|> charge. If the man wants to change his name, he must go through : >|> regular court procedures (and costs) to get it legally changed. : > : >Actually, you can change your name at any time, and it is *not* legally : >required that you go through the courts to do so (male or female). It is : >*recommended* that you do it through the court process if you have your : >name on a lot of documents–that is, if you have a stock portfolio, own : >property, etc. Also, to get a passport, you must have either a court decree : >OR proof that you have been using the new name consistently for a minimum : >of five years. : > : >Having a court document to make your name change look "official" is : >reassuring to people and will make the process easier. However, there is no : >law that requires you to do this. You can change your name simply by : >consistently using the new one everywhere, all the time. You need to : >demonstrate that you have no intent to defraud, avoid creditors, etc. : > : >I changed my name this way in 1988. The only people who gave me trouble : >were, oddly enough, Nordstrom, the customer service people! I cancelled my : >card and applied for a new one under the new name. My employer, the SS : >office, DMV, most credit cards, etc had no problem with my name change. : >Luckily, by the time I needed a new passport, it had been just barely five : >years, so I was able to prove consistent usage and get a new passport with : >no court decree. Thanks for the tip on the passport, folks. That’s one I haven’t dealt with. : >Court costs would have been about $300. I’m glad I did it "my way"! : > : >– : >Christina Cary : >Technical Publications : I can’t tell where Christina is from, but what she says is _not_ true in every : state. Some states recognize a name change in the way she describes, just as : some states recognize "common law" marriages. Others do not. I had my name : legally changed in NY, where one does _not_ need to go through the legal : procedure. But since I was leaving for college in the Midwest, and never : planned to live in NY again, I did things legally. And I’m glad I did. : Because whenever I’ve needed to use my birth certificate (which has my original : name, of course) I have had to supply the certified paper legally changing my : name. Everywhere from the DMV when I move to a new state, to applying for a : marriage license! And countless other times. : -Lake I’m surprised — I thought it was (US) federal law that says you can use any name you please, as long as it isn’t to defraud. I have to admit, lots of bureaucrats will give you every bit of hassle they can, and getting the legal paper probably did smooth the way. But I find it hard to believe that it was necessary. I’ve gone through changing my name the unofficial way, albeit without moving out of state. So I can only comment on the situation in one Midwestern state (Illinois). I had to call some key offices twice, and/or insist on talking to a supervisor, to get the info I needed. But the worst place for me, the DMV, just needed proof I was who my current ID said I was. (In your case, picture ID that matched the birth certificate I suppose . . .) Then they cheerfully re-issued the driver’s license with the name I asked for. — ,_ _ * * _ <<Life is what happens to you when / / / __. _, *__/ __. // __. you’re making other plans. / ‘ (_(_/|_(_)_(_|*(_/|_</_(_/|_ – Betty Talmadge>> /| * | * * an’ firefly * *
Response:
hi, i would like to thank everyone for their input 1)although each of us keeping our last names would solve a lot of problems, this is just not right for _us_. 2)hyphenation won’t really work either, neither of us likes Mr. and Mrs. (orMrs. and Mr.) Fron-Cook or Cook-Fron, just personal taste 3) same thing for leaving out the hyphen altogether 4) i am thankfully overwhelmed by the number of _positive_ responses by the way: if theey were friends, they wouldn’t give me shit- true, they’re not friends, just my family (or should i say "family")whatever as far as i’m concerned, if those who have chosen to not attend the wedding good year to do it ("we’re too young" -20yrs) stick with their decisions, that’s just that many fewer people we’ll have to deal with. (dad on the other hand, hasn’t denied the existance of our wedding, but would rather fight about it until the morning thereof AUG 14, ‘94. thanx lots Jim
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writes: >Btw, we sent out business-size cards in the invitation with > "Following" Date, > N & N N-N (new names) > Old Address > Old Phone >People seemed to like it . . .
Those are called "at-home cards." Nowadays, they’re a nicely subtle way to let folks know who is (or is not) changing his or her name. We considered using them, but decided not to only because our wedding will be quite small and most of the guests already know that my fiance will be taking my name.
Response:
: Sharon Astyk writes:
: > : >Matt and I are still debating – we haven’t decided whether or not to keep our : >own names or hyphenate. The problem with hyphenation is that Blum-Astyk sounds : >like a revoting adjective, and Astyk-Blum sounds like an obscure neurological : >disease. : > : >Sharon Astyk : One other possibility I’ve heard of is to combine the names to create : a completely new name, but in your case, you might come up with : Blystyk(sic) which is just a little too close to lip ointment…But, if : you could come up with a creative way to combine both names, it might : solve problems for both sides. After all, a new union/family is being : made, right? Neither individual is "going over" to the other side. : I can’t come up with the good example I had of some acquaintances, but : their new name sounded great!! : Just a thought…a possibility I hadn’t heard much of on this thread… : Leslie The other potential problem with hyphenating is making sure the husband really will follow through on it. At least, I’ve seen some cases where the couple planned for both to hyphenate, only then the husband never changed his pay check. Or his ID. Or . . . Debnor & talked very carefully about that before deciding to hyphenate. (It’s important for me that we have the same last name . . . and that I have the same last name as my hoped-for offspring! "Mrs. X" now means mother of "Kid X", doncha know?) But he wants to add mine and really change his, which I do think is cool! We decided that said hoped-for offspring would get the offer to pick whichever half they want should they marry . . . Btw, we sent out business-size cards in the invitation with "Following" Date, N & N N-N (new names) Old Address Old Phone People seemed to like it . . . — ,_ _ * * _ <<Life is what happens to you when / / / __. _, *__/ __. // __. you’re making other plans. / ‘ (_(_/|_(_)_(_|*(_/|_</_(_/|_ – Betty Talmadge>> /| * | * * an’ firefly * *
Response:
> either we, … > John Paul Smith and Mary Sue Jones > will become… > John Jones Smith and Mary Smith Jones > or we will become … > John Jones Smith and Mary Jones Smith
I’m interested to know why the other remaining option, ie John Smith Jones and Mary Smith Jones was not considered as a possibility…. JMD
Response:
Hello everyone, I’ve been reading this group for a while, but haven’t posted much. This name change issue is one that’s important and relevant… I’m happy to say that I’m marrying someone who will take my name after we marry. And the coolest part is that it was his idea, not mine. When we were discussing the name change issue, I said to him that I don’t know if I would change my last name. And he replied that he may take mine. I wasn’t sure of his seriousness, but after some discussion, he decided that he wants to do that. My parents were quite happy with his choice! He has several reasons: 1. no real positive association with the man who gave him the last name (his parents divorced when he was 8), and, in fact, most of the associations with his father are negative 2. he has respect for my family, and realizes that my parents have no sons, so carrying on the name is more difficult I’m psyched, and just wanted to share my story. I’ve also found it quite interesting to read that others are experiencing the same. The weirdest part is that after we’re married, I’ll be Mrs. Leifman…and that’s my mom’s name! It may take some getting used to, but I’m looking forward to it. Faith (and Brian) October 9, 1994
Response:
: I agree with Michelle. I think the choice of names should reflect pride in : one’s : family and one’s willingness to continue the family’s traditions. : Unfortunately, not all of us were blessed with families of which we are proud. : either we, … : John Paul Smith and Mary Sue Jones : will become… : John Jones Smith and Mary Smith Jones : or we will become … : John Jones Smith and Mary Jones Smith : The pending question is will our children all be named : Smith : or … : Jones Smith (1 given name). : Or … : will our daughters take Smith Jones while sons take Jones Smith : or… : will our children take both family names in alternating order : (Jones Smith, then Smith Jones, then… : Considerations: : Giving the children slightly different family names might cause : unnecessary confusion? Comments? Agreed! I am already confused! :) : Alternation would preserve both family names and avoid any : name-linked gender bias? Comments? Well, here’s what we have (pretty much) decided to do: The John ono lennon thing. In the above example, it would be John Jones Smith and Mary Jones Smith. (Even though the names in my case are a little long, I am planning to use all three.) The kids will probably just be Smith. (I also like "Jones Smith" for the kids if y ou are into family names). Having said that, let me say this: YOU HAVE TO DO WHATEVER YOU ARE COMFORTABLE WITH IN SPITE OF WHAT ANYONE ELSE TELLS YOU! because, after all, it’s Your name. :) Shannon
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People may be interested to know that in the Canadian province of Quebec (which because of its French/Catholic history often has different laws than the (English/Protestant) rest of Canada) a woman cannot change her name just by getting married – she has to go to court and change it just as though the name change was for any other reason (changing "Mary Smith" to "Rainbow Sunshine" or whatever…) I’m not sure if this is true for men as well, but I’m farily certain it would be. Pauline Barmby University of British Columbia, Vancouver
Response:
writes: I agree with Michelle. I think the choice of names should reflect pride in one’s family and one’s willingness to continue the family’s traditions. Unfortunately, not all of us were blessed with families of which we are proud. Given that own perspective, we will either take my family name as our family name — using her family name as a middle name — or both of us retain our respective family names and take each other’s family names as middle names. either we, … John Paul Smith and Mary Sue Jones will become… John Jones Smith and Mary Smith Jones or we will become … John Jones Smith and Mary Jones Smith The pending question is will our children all be named Smith or … Jones Smith (1 given name). Or … will our daughters take Smith Jones while sons take Jones Smith or… will our children take both family names in alternating order (Jones Smith, then Smith Jones, then… Considerations: Giving the children slightly different family names might cause unnecessary confusion? Comments? Alternation would preserve both family names and avoid any name-linked gender bias? Comments?
Response:
>I have some friends who, when they got married, both took both names, i.e. >John Smith and Mary Jones became John and Mary Smith-Jones. As far as >I know they didn’t catch too much flak for it. > -Jeanne
Come to think of it, I knew another couple who chose a last name that was entirely different from either of their original last names. -Jeanne — "Sex is the mathematics urge sublimated." -M. C. Reed
Response:
(Jim Cook) writes:
|> |> okay, here goes |> is it so strange that i am going to change my last name to that of my |> bride-to-be’s? i’ve taken a lot of shit for it |> any comments? |> It’s very unusual. My dictionary has a definition for "strange" as "unusual, unfamiliar", so, yes, it is "strange". When my fiance and I were discussing this topic, I jokingly suggested that he take my name. I was surprised and impressed (and recognized my own prejudice) when he treated it as a serious suggestion. There is nothing wrong with what you’re doing — you have decided to share a family name, and the fact that you have decided to use her surname as your family name is a total buck of tradition but pretty cool! This is the type of thing that makes insecure guys VERY nervous, though. People will assume that there are all sorts of bizarre politics behind your decision, even if the only reason is the more common one that "this name sounds better with both our names, while the other one sounds weird". KR
Response:
Sharon Astyk writes: >Matt and I are still debating – we haven’t decided whether or not to keep our >own names or hyphenate. The problem with hyphenation is that Blum-Astyk sounds >like a revoting adjective, and Astyk-Blum sounds like an obscure neurological >disease. >Sharon Astyk
One other possibility I’ve heard of is to combine the names to create a completely new name, but in your case, you might come up with Blystyk(sic) which is just a little too close to lip ointment…But, if you could come up with a creative way to combine both names, it might solve problems for both sides. After all, a new union/family is being made, right? Neither individual is "going over" to the other side. I can’t come up with the good example I had of some acquaintances, but their new name sounded great!! Just a thought…a possibility I hadn’t heard much of on this thread… Leslie
Response:
> okay, here goes > is it so strange that i am going to change my last name to that of my > bride-to-be’s? i’ve taken a lot of shit for it > any comments? > Jim > or > or just post a reply
Jim: I applaud you. I, too, have had many discussions with Wayne on the name-change dilemma, and that’s one of the things I brought up. Although tradition dictates that the woman takes the man’s name, what is wrong with the other way around!! "What’s good for the goose is good for the gander." (I can’t believe I just used an expression my mother would use!!) Anyway, who cares what others think. If it works for you and your fiance, then great!! Lisa (& Wayne) 7/23/94
Response:
okay, here goes is it so strange that i am going to change my last name to that of my bride-to-be’s? i’ve taken a lot of shit for it any comments? Jim Sure, it’s unusual, but I think it’s GREAT. My husband and I each kept our last names, and didn’t think much about it. Now that we’re having kids, the name issue has to be addressed. My last name is unusual enough that when I meet another Congdon it’s often possible to figure out how we’re related. My husband’s last name is Jones. I just can’t bear to trade in my last name, and I’d prefer that my kids not have such a common last name either. We may end up hyphenating, but my husband hasn’t ruled out the possibility of Jones as a middle name and Congdon as a last name (for all of the kids). I think this takes a lot of chutzpah on the part of the husband, because it bucks tradition and it’s not what people expect. But this gender inequity doesn’t really make much sense. If the kids all had Jones as their last name, we wouldn’t have to explain it to anybody, just as if your fiancee took your last name, you wouldn’t have to explain it to anybody. I dunno, I think the world could use a little shaking up about such things. But I certainly understand that it’s difficult to be a trailblazer. Oh yeah, I had a professor in undergrad who took his wife’s name when they got married. But you know, I think academics are more accepting about violating cultural norms. Clare
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>okay, here goes >is it so strange that i am going to change my last name to that of my >bride-to-be’s? i’ve taken a lot of shit for it >any comments? >Jim >or >or just post a reply
I have some friends who, when they got married, both took both names, i.e. John Smith and Mary Jones became John and Mary Smith-Jones. As far as I know they didn’t catch too much flak for it. -Jeanne — "Sex is the mathematics urge sublimated." -M. C. Reed
Response:
okay, here goes is it so strange that i am going to change my last name to that of my bride-to-be’s? i’ve taken a lot of shit for it any comments? Jim or or just post a reply
Response:
>okay, here goes >is it so strange that i am going to change my last name to that of my >bride-to-be’s? i’ve taken a lot of shit for it >any comments?
I think it’s great. The only reason I’m changing my name is because I happen to think his sounds better than mine. ;) (And I think our having the same last name will make life easier for our kids.) But had I had the "cooler" last name, I definitely would have tried to get him to change his. ;) Miriam (& Jeffry) Miriam Hoffman ><><>< "Laughable laughter is cataclysmic."