Business History Books » Business Plans » Changing your name
Changing your name
Question:
I’m probably not in the right newsgroup, but I have a question for all you newly- and about-to-be-wed out there. How did you handle the issue of changing the woman’s name, if one of you wants that and the other doesn’t? My boyfriend and I are not planning a wedding, but this is one of the issues we have to deal with if we want to be able to. Please, if there’s a group called alt.considering.marriage or an FAQ for this, steer me in the right direction and I’ll go back to being a spectator for this group. Thanks in advance, Holly
Response:
writes: >How did you handle the issue of changing the woman’s name, >if one of you wants that and the other doesn’t?
Here’s how we worked things out: We each thought long & hard about what the real issues were and what was important to us. For us, the issues were: 1. I really didn’t want to change my name but was open to other options. 2. My husband wanted us (& any future kids) to have the same last name because to him "it feels more like we’re a family this way" but was open-minded about what that last name should be. 3. There were no significant external considerations that mattered to us such as a desire to please (or antagonize) anyone in our extended family OR to avoid (or invite) questions or hassles from friends, family, co-workers, creditors, etc. Given these issues, the logical choice for us was for my husband to change his name. (It was his idea, not mine, BTW.) When we got married three weeks ago (seems like only yesterday… 
), we were very quiet about the name change. We told people about it individually or in small groups, gently, when the mood seemed right, and mostly after the wedding. We did things this way to spare the feelings of our relatives, who are much more traditionally minded than we are. They had gone to great effort and expense to attend the wedding, which was unconventional enough as it is, and we weren’t about to turn around and spit in their faces. Most of the family took it pretty well when we explained our decision to them. This isn’t to say that they approved, but generally they were able to put it into perspective. ("Well, at least they got MARRIED, for heaven’s sake!") Sorry to get so long-winded. Hope this helps somebody out there.
Response:
Holly Whitten writes: >How did you handle the issue of changing the woman’s name, >if one of you wants that and the other doesn’t? >My boyfriend and I are not planning a wedding, but this is >one of the issues we have to deal with if we want to be able >to.
This isn’t an issue my fiance and I have dealt with explicitly. He has been taking what I think is the correct male view on the issue — that this is my decision. However, having whatched debate this issue, and debating it myself I have become *very* aware what an emotional issue it is, so I’ll try my hand at a bit of advice… I think the first step is for both of you to try to understand what you feel keeping or changing your name means — if the discussion doesn’t get past the "but its traditional"/"who cares about tradition"/ "what will my parents think"/"what will my co-workers think" level you’ll probably never resolve it. One of the "you should change" arguments I’ve heard is "what will my friends/family think if I marry a woman who won’t take my name…", and its seemed to me that the real issue is what the man involved really thinks himself about marrying a woman who feels that it would be impractical or emotionally difficult to change her name. What you need to figure out is whether your differing views are indicative of truly different views about is involved in being married, or whether they are only indicative of differing ideas of what is "usual". If its the latter, there are lots of possible name compromises (keep your name at work only, hyphenate etc…), but if its the former, the difference are going to crop up over and over again. It also may help to take a good look at what other people you both know have done — that may help diffuse the "but everybody does XX and people with think us odd if we don’t" issue. Among my friends I think about half changed and half didn’t, and its been obvious to me that whatever I did, someone would think it odd. Hope this helps — Rachel
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I told George that I’m not taking his name. He didn’t like it, but accepts my decision. However, my father told me that if it were him, he wouldn’t marry me, if I kept my own name. I like my last name. It has defined me over the last 23 years of my life, and that is who I am. Also, I am the last one left to carry on my name, and I don’t want to give it up. Lynn
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This is the one topic I struggled and struggled with before I got married. And I still like to discuss it . I already sent Jennifer an email, but I figure I’ll post also >: I’m not Carrie, but since I kept my name I’ll give it a shot. We’re >: thinking of either hyphenating our names for the children or making a >: new one. I had a different last name than my parents until I was >: adopted at 11 and it never hurt me a bit. I have no intention of >: changing my name unless Mark changes his too (ie we *both* hyphenate); >: he agrees that it is just too much of a pain.
We are giving our children four names: Firstname Middlename Leonard Kimball. The big reason I use Kimball socially (more later) is so that we have a ‘family name’, which is Kimball. I /really/ want to be Dr. Leonard, but I also want to be known as the Kimball family. Again, this works for us, and probably won’t work for anyone else . >: I almost never use my husband’s name socially. It’s *not* my name. I >: introduce Mark as "my husband, Mark Taylor." I had my own bank accouts >: and credit cards before we married; we have a joint account as well.
I use Carrie Kimball when talking to the car mechanic, making dinner reservations, etc. I figure I will use Mrs. Kimball more when we have kids, which is just fine with me. I really only use Leonard at work and on our banking stuff and health insurance (because it is my legal name). The only confusing thing is when David gets called Mr. Leonard by people I work with . > >Anyone else having problems/anticipate problems with relatives just ‘not >getting it’ that you’re not changing you name?
It was pretty surprising — my grandmothers got it right away, but it was my aunts, etc who kept send stuff to Mr. and Mrs. David Kimball (I HATE losing my identity that way!). I just keep sending out letter from Carrie Leonard, and they usually got it. But honestly, for me it’s not that big of a deal… >Any suggestions on how to tackle it? Or, how to ask prospective brides if >they’re changing their name?
The brides should honestly let you know. On our thank you cards I made sure to write the return address as Carrie Leonard and David Kimball. And if I don’t know, I usually just send a note to the bride using her maiden name until she corrects me (my good friend just got married and I sent their gift to Debbie HerLastname and Kent HisLastname and I got a thank from Debbie HisLastname so I figured it out ). Newlyweds should know that people don’t know what they’re planning on doing, so it’s their job to inform you. Now, once you know, it’s not a good thing to keep addressing them wrongly, of course . >Sorry to ramble, but I love the topic of names.
I do to. I think the big thing here is that people should do what they are comfortable with. I don’t think my decision should make someone else feel like they can’t change their name. It works for me (and David). David and I talked about this for a /long/ time before we reached a compromise (he wasn’t happy I wasn’t changing my name, but he knew he would want to change his either and knew his objections were kind of unreasonable). Each couple is different and they have to do what’s right for them. Carrie (who really likes Holly Lewis’s compromise, but this works for us also) — Maryland Sea Grant the facts. –William S. Burroughs University of Maryland (So I’ve been watching too much X-Files!!!) http://www.wam.umd.edu/~carrie/welcome.html
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> Do you have children? What name will they take? The reason I was > considering doing the middle name thing is because I did want to have the > same name as my kids (all of us as a family) though it does seem > frustruating a little that that name has to be my future husband’s. I > guess I’m not quite that non-traditional (or brave…)
I’m not Carrie, but since I kept my name I’ll give it a shot. We’re thinking of either hyphenating our names for the children or making a new one. I had a different last name than my parents until I was adopted at 11 and it never hurt me a bit. I have no intention of changing my name unless Mark changes his too (ie we *both* hyphenate); he agrees that it is just too much of a pain. I kind of like the idea of using the name Alandell for either the kids’ last or middle names; my middle name is Dell, Mark’s is Alan. > So socially you just sometimes write your husband’s name, but no where is > it legally yours? What about checking accounts (joint) or other joint > things?
I almost never use my husband’s name socially. It’s *not* my name. I introduce Mark as "my husband, Mark Taylor." I had my own bank accouts and credit cards before we married; we have a joint account as well. Everything works out quite well except for a few morons who can’t seem to accept that I like my name and had no desire to change. <sigh> This is Oklahoma; there seems to be a higher concentration of said persons here than elsewhere. — Molly – RSIs SUCK – http://www.cowboy.net/~aerial Remove spam block before sending mail. Spammers, rot in hell.
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Carrie, I’m still trying to figure this all out. Do you have children? What name will they take? The reason I was considering doing the middle name thing is because I did want to have the same name as my kids (all of us as a family) though it does seem frustruating a little that that name has to be my future husband’s. I guess I’m not quite that non-traditional (or brave…) So socially you just sometimes write your husband’s name, but no where is it legally yours? What about checking accounts (joint) or other joint things? Just wondering. Hope you don’t mind my nosiness, and repeated questions. Thanks for the info. –Jennie – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->> I have been thinking about doing that, too, and I was wondering: >> Are there any legal impediments? So, do you put all work (tax) >> documents in your "new" name, even if people will be calling you by >> your "maiden" name (what a word!)? > These considerations are VERY important. I must use my legal name at > work, because of grants recieved and other income considerations. > Therefore, because I wanted to use my maiden name professionally, I had to > keep it legally. What I use socially (depends on my mood ) is up to > me…
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> We are giving our children four names: Firstname Middlename Leonard > Kimball. The big reason I use Kimball socially (more later) is so that we > have a ‘family name’, which is Kimball. I /really/ want to be Dr. > Leonard, but I also want to be known as the Kimball family. Again, this > works for us, and probably won’t work for anyone else .
Well, its gonna work for us too. Professionally, I don’t want to loose the name-recognition bonus.. I’ve only ever published under Stiger, so I’d like to keep it, yet at the same time, I know what you mean about having a family name, which will be Riegel (his name). It seems easier this way for us, and he won’t be upset to be called Mr. Stiger, nor will I be to be called Mrs. Riegel. Which brings me to my next, somewhat techinical point: > It was pretty surprising — my grandmothers got it right away, but it was > my aunts, etc who kept send stuff to Mr. and Mrs. David Kimball (I HATE > losing my identity that way!). I just keep sending out letter from Carrie > Leonard, and they usually got it. But honestly, for me it’s not that big > of a deal…
I thought (please correct me if I’m wrong!) that Mrs. literally mean "wife of" so that while I will legally and professionally be Rebecca Stiger, I will also be Mrs. Gerald Riegel. But then, will I also be Mrs. Rebecca Stiger, or is that one of those gray areas that we use Ms. for? Hmmm. Becca (and Ger, 2-2-97)
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What about your husband taking your last name?? I think it’s too complicated to have separate names, at least for it was for me anyway!! Before my name was legally changed, I was signing some stuff with my maiden name and some with my married name, depending on what accounts, etc. had been changed — and it just felt insane. Also it was hard to remember what name to go by when people asked, etc… My husband and I took a new name, my mother’s maiden name. We looked at names in both our families and picked one we liked, and that had meaning for us. Much easier. Now I don’t have to worry about what last name the kids will have!! Anyway, I’m actually looking at this topic for a paper I’m working on. So if anyone wouldn’t mind e-mailing with me and discussing their name changes or not changing their names, please send me an e-mail at Thanks — and good luck with finding a solution that makes you happy. Kimber In article – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Carrie, > I’m still trying to figure this all out. > Do you have children? What name will they take? The reason I was > considering doing the middle name thing is because I did want to have the > same name as my kids (all of us as a family) though it does seem > frustruating a little that that name has to be my future husband’s. I > guess I’m not quite that non-traditional (or brave…) > > So socially you just sometimes write your husband’s name, but no where is > it legally yours? What about checking accounts (joint) or other joint > things? > Just wondering. > Hope you don’t mind my nosiness, and repeated questions. > Thanks for the info. > –Jennie > >> I have been thinking about doing that, too, and I was wondering: > >> Are there any legal impediments? So, do you put all work (tax) > >> documents in your "new" name, even if people will be calling you by > >> your "maiden" name (what a word!)? > These considerations are VERY important. I must use my legal name at > work, because of grants recieved and other income considerations. > Therefore, because I wanted to use my maiden name professionally, I had to > keep it legally. What I use socially (depends on my mood ) is up to > me…
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: I, too, have a dilemma. I love my fiancee(duh! obviously!) but don’t like : his name (too close to weasle). I love my last name, but I don’t know if i : would be comfortable not changing it, especially since we want to have : children right away. Anyone else go (or going) through this? In addition to the suggestion that he take your name, I’d add the possibilty of the children taking one last name as an actual middle name and the other parent’s last name. Ie — Both parents maintain their names as before the marriage: ie Jane Madison and John Jones; their kids could be X Madison Jones or X Jones Madison (whithout a hyphen — just another middle name). If you’re worried about this seeming too progressive/radical (if that sort of thing is uncomfortable) don’t worry: it was a English/Scottish tradition to give a child their mother’s maiden name as a middle name. I know of a number of 19th/20th century Canadians of British decent who had this sort of name… Maybe the issue here is whether *you* really want your new family to have ‘one’ name. There are many ways to do that, beyond one spouse changing their last name. For instance, my fiance is adding my last name as his middle name, and socially we’ll be known as the (mylastname) family, since he *will* have that name in his moniker. Because we’ll already be established with my last name (and his is hard to spell and pronounce correctly), the kids could have his last name as a middle name, and my last name as their actual last name. Or they could have two last names, without a hyphen and then drop the first (or second) in actual usage. I agree it’s confusing, but it looks like a good idea to review all the options on your own *and* with your fiance. I, for one, could never envisage changing my name, but am willing to come to a creative compromise for a family/children’s names. There’s no reason why a partner can’t maintain their name AND have a workable family name. By own biased last piece of advice, if you do end up altering your name (more than just dropping your birth name altogether), then you should talk to your fiance about changing his name in a similar way ie – you’d both hyphen your names, you’d both take the other’s name (perhaps you taking his last name, he taking yours as a middle name, etc)…To me, this suggests family unity as much as one partner simply dropping their birthname. – B.E. Warner Dal Law, Class of ‘99
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: I’m not Carrie, but since I kept my name I’ll give it a shot. We’re : thinking of either hyphenating our names for the children or making a : new one. I had a different last name than my parents until I was : adopted at 11 and it never hurt me a bit. I have no intention of : changing my name unless Mark changes his too (ie we *both* hyphenate); : he agrees that it is just too much of a pain. This is my perspective too (except hat I’ve always had the same name as my parents). As for the argument that brides shouldn’t worry about changing their name, since they are just swapping one man’s name for another, I strongly disagree. While my last name may have been given to me because my mother changed her name when my parents married, ti has been *my* name all my life. It is a part of my identity; ergo, it is as much a woman’s name as a man’s name. I might have considered hyphenating if he would too, but neither of us like the idea (for us() or the outcome: Warner-Egelstaff, or Egelstaff-Warner is a mouthful, no matter how you say it. And, alhtough Julian has got used to people mispronoucing his last name, I couldn’t and would get aupset and poeple mispronoucing and misspelling hlaf of my new name. : I almost never use my husband’s name socially. It’s *not* my name. I : introduce Mark as "my husband, Mark Taylor." I had my own bank accouts : and credit cards before we married; we have a joint account as well. : Everything works out quite well except for a few morons who can’t seem : to accept that I like my name and had no desire to change. <sigh> This : is Oklahoma; there seems to be a higher concentration of said persons : here than elsewhere. THis bit reminds me of the responses my sister has had from our grandmother. My sister did not change her name, and sometimes my gradnmother remembers and addresses Sherri as before the wedding. But sometimes she ‘forgets’ (or jsut wants to make a point — that would be like her_) and sends b-day cards to my sister as Mrs. Sherri (Husband’s last name). Ack! I’ll have ot deal with that with all four of Julian’s gradnparents as well as the above stubborn grandmother. I guess my ‘out’ will be to say that Julian changed his name and can be called Mr. Warner as well as Mr. Egelstaff. I can jsut imagine the look on his stodgy, Phsycis=professor grandfather’s face 
(evil thoughts abound!) Anyone else having problems/anticipate problems with relatives just ‘not getting it’ that you’re not changing you name? Any suggestions on how to tackle it? Or, how to ask prospective brides if they’re changing their name? (I asked my cousin striaght-out,b ut we’re pretty close and I didn’t think she’d be annoyed at my frankness. Other friends I’m not sure of; I don’t want to offend them by seeming to suggest that they *should*, even if that might be my opinion!) Sorry to ramble, but I love the topic of names. –Barbara
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– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I have been thinking about doing that, too, and I was wondering: > Are there any legal impediments? So, do you put all work (tax) > documents in your "new" name, even if people will be calling you by > your "maiden" name (what a word!)? >Yeah, I’m kind of confused about all that too. A good family friend does >this and she told me for tax purposes (her paychecks etc.) are in her full >name (in my case Jennifer Apter Baranoff) but (she is a psychologist)when >she sees patients or attends conferences, work meetings she is Dr.(her >maiden name) ; this is also what’s on her Ph.D. The thing is when they >recieve invitations etc., they still come in her husband’s name. Sometimes >she says her work friends call her husband by her maiden name, because >they don’t realize… this is all so confusing.
These considerations are VERY important. I must use my legal name at work, because of grants recieved and other income considerations. Therefore, because I wanted to use my maiden name professionally, I had to keep it legally. What I use socially (depends on my mood ) is up to me… Carrie — Maryland Sea Grant the annoyance of a good example. University of Maryland –Mark Twain http://www.wam.umd.edu/~carrie/welcome.html
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>I’m really having a hard time making up my mind on this one. I can’t >decide whether to change my middle name to my maiden name or just drop >the maiden name altogether. I’ve never been particularly proud of my >middle name, but it was my Granny’s name (she died my fresh year of high >school). I talked to my mom about it, and either way is fine with her >(I thought she’d be hysterical at the thought of dropping her mom’s name >in favor of her ex-husband’s!). I guess I need to be deciding soon!
I, for one, am thrilled at the chance to go from Sarah Marie Skovronsky to Sarah Marie Dittman. (I have many many stories where people have been borderline RUDE because they can’t figure out how to pronounce my last name correctly). Clearly, "Skovronsky" makes a really horrendous middle name. I say, don’t worry that you *must* change your middle name to your maiden name, just choose the combination that you think sounds the best. Sarah (& Tyler) — Oregon Health Sciences University
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I, too, have a dilemma. I love my fiancee(duh! obviously!) but don’t like his name (too close to weasle). I love my last name, but I don’t know if i would be comfortable not changing it, especially since we want to have children right away. Anyone else go (or going) through this?
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> > . . . it does make me mad that for men this is not even a question and > that there’s no better solution to this without sacrificing something. > many years ago, i worked at the Toronto School of Theology and one of our > Divinity students was named Thomas Vanin-Bishop. he and his wife had > hyphenated their names and they *both* took it! > angie
Angie, That may be fine for some but I married a guy who’s last name was "Roxbee Cox" – I’d have hated hyphenating that in any way to "Donegan" which was my maiden name. As it happens, it wasn’t a problem for us – I was quite happy to change my name and didn’t feel it was anything like a "sacrifice". I just thought I’d point out that what works for some may not be a good solution for every one. I think Tomas’s children might fell the same!! JMHO, Lynne — The opinions expressed in this communication are my own, and do not necessarily reflect those of my employer.
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> I, too, have a dilemma. I love my fiancee(duh! obviously!) but don’t like > his name (too close to weasle). I love my last name, but I don’t know if i > would be comfortable not changing it, especially since we want to have > children right away. Anyone else go (or going) through this?
Does he like your last name? What about him taking your name?
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> Path: rocksanne!parc!nntp-hub.barrnet.net!su-news-hub1.bbnplanet.com!cpk-news-hub 1.bbnplanet.com!news.bbnplanet.com!cam-news-hub1.bbnplanet.com!howland.erol s.net!newsfeed.internetmci.com!metro.atlanta.com!news.sprintlink.net!news-d c-10.sprintlink.net!news.sprintlink.net!news-hub.sprintlink.net!n
ews.sprintlink.net!news-ana-24.sprintlink.net!helena.MT.net!julie.tmcom.com !paige – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Newsgroups: alt.wedding > Organization: The Montana Internet Cooperative Association > Lines: 19 > NNTP-Posting-Host: tm-64k-fr.mt.net > Mime-Version: 1.0 > Content-Type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII > I don’t think it would be all that much of a problem… then again I have > no definate date when I’m getting married and should have started > planning.. but… I’m supposed to get married in April.. other than > that, nothing is figured out… except I know who the flower girls will > be.. I’m a little behind… Um… actually, I could use some advice.. if > anyone can help me with an inexpensive wedding… and with short > notice… Not something really fancy, but not totally plain either… let > me know Thanks, I appriciate it > Paige Mandera *I love Chris* > Love finds you when you least expect it… > And it stays with you forever..
You really need to get moving it its in April. I mean, at least get the church or ceremony site and reception hall. Actually, if you plan to use a florist, photographer, or any professionals. I suggest you start calling and at least book them. As I started I noticed that many things are filled up quickly. Good luck, Janet
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> [snip] >I am probably going to keep my last name as my middle >name and take Evan’s last name socially, but use my last name for work. > I have been thinking about doing that, too, and I was wondering: > Are there any legal impediments? So, do you put all work (tax) > documents in your "new" name, even if people will be calling you by > your "maiden" name (what a word!)?
Yeah, I’m kind of confused about all that too. A good family friend does this and she told me for tax purposes (her paychecks etc.) are in her full name (in my case Jennifer Apter Baranoff) but (she is a psychologist)when she sees patients or attends conferences, work meetings she is Dr.(her maiden name) ; this is also what’s on her Ph.D. The thing is when they recieve invitations etc., they still come in her husband’s name. Sometimes she says her work friends call her husband by her maiden name, because they don’t realize… this is all so confusing. Let me know what you decide. Good luck! –Jennie
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[snip] >I am probably going to keep my last name as my middle >name and take Evan’s last name socially, but use my last name for work.
I have been thinking about doing that, too, and I was wondering: Are there any legal impediments? So, do you put all work (tax) documents in your "new" name, even if people will be calling you by your "maiden" name (what a word!)?
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I’m really having a hard time making up my mind on this one. I can’t decide whether to change my middle name to my maiden name or just drop the maiden name altogether. I’ve never been particularly proud of my middle name, but it was my Granny’s name (she died my fresh year of high school). I talked to my mom about it, and either way is fine with her (I thought she’d be hysterical at the thought of dropping her mom’s name in favor of her ex-husband’s!). I guess I need to be deciding soon! -Julie (& Clint) 2/1/97 – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > PS – I did take the opportunity on business documents to drop a middle > name I’ve never been particularly fond of, so that’s a nice perk! > — > Amy Breslin > Program Assistant > THE Ohio State University > Materials Science and Engineering Dept.
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**Is anyone else out there worried about having to go thru the process of **changing your name with so many beauracracies (DMV, SS, Credit Cards, bank, **etc.)? The thought of it frightens me… ** **Ruby I’m not exactly on top of things…it’s been a few months, but what I’ve changed or not – Health insurance – didn’t change Dr.’s records until this came through. I added Michael and asked them to change my name. The new cards show up with Michael’s name below my maiden name. Ew, SO close! So, since that’s been done – I changed with my ob/gyn and the pharmacy. I’ll change the allergist and general practice office records next time I visit. Credit cards – I changed those that could be changed over the phone. I didn’t want to change my driver’s license until I got at least one or two credit cards changed and in hand – sometimes salespeople ask for ID (but I have been carrying a copy of our marriage cert. for cashing checks at the bank made out to the married name – so even that’s a cop-out). Bank – yeah, I need to do that one too. I’m almost out of checks, so the timing works out well I suppose. Social Security – I lost my card two or three years ago and have been procrastinating about getting a new card…what a perfect opportunity! Well, I’m still procrastinating…one of these days. Voter registration! As fate would have it, we were married a few weeks before the election…got that done already! Woohoo! On top of that one Aim! Lease – car and apartment. Apt. manager said it would be too much of a hassle, don’t worry about it. We’re on a month to month arrangement anyway. Car – I’m afraid to deal with that…leasing company says to just write them a letter and send a copy of the certificate. I’ll put that in the SS card pile. Registrar at OSU – they just wanted a fax…simple enough. AAA – got that one done with this year’s renewal. I can’t really think of too many other agencies you might need to change with, but I’m certainly not on top of the situation myself…hope I’ve given all those other procrastinators out there a little inspiration! The only things I really have to kick myself into gear and do now are new ID cards – Driver’s license and OSU staff/student ID. I’m waiting for my most recent unfortunate hairstyling decision to grow back before I tackle those. Oh, and my email user name. My sysadmin asked if we should be changing it…I told him I wanted to keep one last remnant of my single life if it was ok with him…hahaha. The one big pain in the ass about all of this is that I can no longer file my tax return over the phone. That was so nice. It’s really not that bad…even less so I would imagine if you’re even a wee bit more organized than I am! Have fun! Amy PS – I did take the opportunity on business documents to drop a middle name I’ve never been particularly fond of, so that’s a nice perk! — Amy Breslin Program Assistant THE Ohio State University Materials Science and Engineering Dept.
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> . . . it does make me mad that for men this is not even a question and > that there’s no better solution to this without sacrificing something.
many years ago, i worked at the Toronto School of Theology and one of our Divinity students was named Thomas Vanin-Bishop. he and his wife had hyphenated their names and they *both* took it! angie
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I’m way behind on this thread, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot over this break. When I think about changing every piece of my identity, it does make me sad. I am probably going to keep my last name as my middle name and take Evan’s last name socially, but use my last name for work. I am a journalist and am in graduate school planning to one day become a Ph.D. I want to be Dr. Apter not Dr. Baranoff, and I can’t help feeling that when people call and ask for Mrs. B. — I’ll still want to say "that’s my mother in law." I guess in that sense it’s "wimping out" not to just keep my name all together, but I don’t feel it’s right to make kids hyphenate and if I kept mine I think I’d feel isolated from the family we’re creating — which is the whole point of this marriage thing anyway right? But it does make me mad that for men this is not even a question and that there’s no better solution to this without sacrificing something. Plus how do you change your name — what needs to change? Sigh… –Jennie
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I don’t think it would be all that much of a problem… then again I have no definate date when I’m getting married and should have started planning.. but… I’m supposed to get married in April.. other than that, nothing is figured out… except I know who the flower girls will be.. I’m a little behind… Um… actually, I could use some advice.. if anyone can help me with an inexpensive wedding… and with short notice… Not something really fancy, but not totally plain either… let me know Thanks, I appriciate it Paige Mandera *I love Chris* Love finds you when you least expect it… And it stays with you forever..
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Ruby – I found in the USABride Magazine Web a listing of items you need to update with your new identity after getting married. It is very useful. Bank accounts, Investment and insurance accounts, memberships: health clubs, etc., At work – dental, medical, 401k plans, credit cards, doctor and dental records, drivers license, automobile registration, automobile insurance, utility bills, mortgages, Internal Revenue Service, courtesy cards, and discount cards such as supermarkets. I found the whole USABRIDE site very informative. Check it out. It frightens me to but I feel that I will update the records when many of them expire, or when the bills come in just fill out the change of address fields showing your new name. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Is anyone else out there worried about having to go thru the process of > changing your name with so many beauracracies (DMV, SS, Credit Cards, bank, > etc.)? The thought of it frightens me… > Ruby > —
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It frightens me to but I feel that I > will update the records when many of them expire, or when the bills come in > just fill out the change of address fields showing your new name.
I don’t think you can just change your name in the "change of address" box on credit cards and the like. As for the credit cards, I called the companies and many of them went thru the verification process of what is your SSN, what is your mother’s maiden name, etc, before they would make the change. Others wanted forms filled out or a photocopy of the marriage certificate. Also, if you are ever asked for identification along with your credit card, it would be best if the names matched. I would take care of all of it ASAP, that way you don’t forget anything. A simple phone call to each office you need to change your name with will either get the change made or at least tell you what documentation you need to send/bring them. Suzie, who went thru this in July — Suzanne Glass Santa Fe, NM http://www.rt66.com/~glass/
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Is anyone else out there worried about having to go thru the process of changing your name with so many beauracracies (DMV, SS, Credit Cards, bank, etc.)? The thought of it frightens me… Ruby —
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Yes. Not so much worried than just not looking forward to going through the ordeal since a) my first name is hyphenated, so they already don’t like that (they tendto treat the stuff after the hyphen as my middle name) b) we will get married, go to WDW and then have to drive up to NJ (new place of residence) so I don’t know _when_ I will have time to get everything done since you have to wait for the license to return and we have only about 2 days before we drive up c) I can’t seem to find my naturalization papers (Yikes!) but I do have my passport and SS card…. Credit cards should be easy. SS should be easy (provided I get the license in time, assuming you need it), then the passport and DMV, school records, bank records, etc etc I expect to be an excedrin moment. lib (&jim <- who doesn’t think it’s that much of a hassle) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >Is anyone else out there worried about having to go thru the process of >changing your name with so many beauracracies (DMV, SS, Credit Cards, bank, >etc.)? The thought of it frightens me… >Ruby >–
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> Okay, I have a VERY stupid question. when you get married, does your name > change to your first name, middle name and married name, or is it your first > name, maiden name and marriad name? > Thanks in advance.
Your choice. Many women today who have established careers or professions don’t change their names at all, or do it only socially, while keeping their birth names for work. (And some maiden names just don’t make good middle names.) gloria p
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>Your choice. >Most of your legal documents, such as your driver’s license will be >FirstName, MaidenName, MarriedName. Some documents will be all four >names. But all other documents (ie checking accounts) and how you wish >to be known are strictly up to you. >If you’re interested in tradition, the middle name is dropped in favor >of continuing to use the bride’s family’s name. >Hope this helps, >Noe
I’ve never used my maiden name on a legal document in all the 30 someodd years that I’ve been married… I use first, middle, and married last name… period…. some forms will ask for your maiden name but not as your signature… Sorry to disagree….
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Puester wrote… > Okay, I have a VERY stupid question. when you get married, > does your name change > Your choice. Many women today who have established careers > or professions don’t change their names at all,
‘Course, there’s another option: Two weeks ago, I photographed the wedding of Beth S and Brian L. When I arrived at the venue, I noticed matchbooks (yes, matchbooks!) on the tables saying "Beth & Brian G." When the bride arrived, I smiled and asked if I was in the right place. She said, "Yeah. Brian’s changing his name, too." I’ve heard about such things, but it was the first time I’ve actually *seen* it. — Joe Pucillo Baltimore, Maryland USA To reply by email, please remove the .xx from the address.
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Well done to all the previous replies to this post. You have given exactly what Jennifer has asked for . Good advice, given with love and thought. Surely that is what this group should be about. Best Wishes. Malcolm.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Puester wrote… > > Okay, I have a VERY stupid question. when you get married, > > does your name change > Your choice. Many women today who have established careers > or professions don’t change their names at all, > ‘Course, there’s another option: > Two weeks ago, I photographed the wedding of Beth S and Brian L. When I > arrived at the venue, I noticed matchbooks (yes, matchbooks!) on the tables > saying "Beth & Brian G." > When the bride arrived, I smiled and asked if I was in the right place. > She said, "Yeah. Brian’s changing his name, too." > I’ve heard about such things, but it was the first time I’ve actually > *seen* it. > — > Joe Pucillo > Baltimore, Maryland USA > To reply by email, please remove the .xx from the address.
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>I’ve never used my maiden name on a legal document in all the 30 someodd years >that I’ve been married… I use first, middle, and married last name… >period…. some forms will ask for your maiden name but not as your >signature… Sorry to disagree….
I forgot to add: Laws vary. Hope this helps, Noe
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>I forgot to add: >Laws vary. >Hope this helps, >Noe
Ok, point taken… Guess it’s different for every individual and in every country…
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– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Well done to all the previous replies to this post. > You have given exactly what Jennifer has asked for . Good advice, given > with love and thought. > Surely that is what this group should be about. > Best Wishes. > Malcolm. > "
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I would like to keep my name at work- but change it socially.. Not sure of the legal implications of this- is it officially changed, but I choose to use my maiden name? Maybe we should combine the names… ha ha. Incidentally, there is a guy at work who did take his wife’s name.. Confused us all… Jenn – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Okay, I have a VERY stupid question. when you get married, does your name > change to your first name, middle name and married name, or is it your first > name, maiden name and marriad name? > Thanks in advance. > Your choice. Many women today who have established careers or professions > don’t change their names at all, or do it only socially, while keeping their > birth names for work. (And some maiden names just don’t make good middle > names.) > gloria p
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I’m in the process of changing my name and the answer is…you can do whatever you want. I’m simply switching my last name from my old one to his, but I know others who got rid of their middle names, used their maiden name as a new middle name and took their husband’s name as a new last name. As long as you have the documentation that you’re doing this for marriage, it’s easy. — Melissa 3/18/2001
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Okay, I have a VERY stupid question. when you get married, does your name > change to your first name, middle name and married name, or is it your first > name, maiden name and marriad name? > Thanks in advance.
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In a previous article, JennyBenny said… > I would like to keep my name at work- but change it socially.. Not sure of the > legal implications of this- is it officially changed, but I choose to use my > maiden name?
As long as you’re not using another name for fraud or other illegal purposes, you may use whichever name you like. My aunt did the same thing, when she married, she still *officially* went by her maiden name (after 55 years, she wasn’t changing it) but socially went by her married name. Since her husband died, she’s still known by her friends as her married name, but never, ever, changed her name legally. Her maiden name is still on her driver’s license. — Joe Pucillo Baltimore, Maryland USA To reply by email, please remove the .xx from the address.
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>Okay, I have a VERY stupid question. when you get married, does your name >change to your first name, middle name and married name, or is it your first >name, maiden name and marriad name? >Thanks in advance.
It’s not a stupid question at all. First of all, your name doesn’t "change" upon marriage. That’s a social custom that is not required by law. You change your name by starting to use the new name and by changing your legal documents. (And yes, you can use any name you like as long as you are not trying to commit a crime, but I suspect that you’re not interested in a completely new name!) So, as another poster said, the choice is up to you. You can use your given middle name or your maiden name as your new middle name, or all of them. Some women like to keep their family names a little more prominent; others choose not to. Whichever you pick, it’s probably best to be consistent to you don’t have to explain that Mary Sue Smith and Mary Jones Smith are the same person, but I really don’t have any personal experience with that. Best wishes, Lynne – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –
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The only challenge becomes airline tickets. If all of your ID has you with one name, and your name at work is another name, you need to make sure that when you fly for business your travel department knows that your legal name (i.e., the name on your ID) matches that on your airline ticket. As well, you’ll want your pay check and benefits to be under your legal name. I was going to use my maiden name at work but change my name legally, but I didn’t feel strongly about it and decided that keeping track of two names would be more effort than it was worth for me. I’ve found that the people at work have had no problem remembering my new name. The entire process has been much easier than I expected. — Melissa 3/18/2001
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> In a previous article, JennyBenny said… > I would like to keep my name at work- but change it socially.. Not sure of the > legal implications of this- is it officially changed, but I choose to use my > maiden name? > As long as you’re not using another name for fraud or other illegal > purposes, you may use whichever name you like. My aunt did the same > thing, when she married, she still *officially* went by her maiden > name (after 55 years, she wasn’t changing it) but socially went by > her married name. Since her husband died, she’s still known by her > friends as her married name, but never, ever, changed her name > legally. Her maiden name is still on her driver’s license. > — > Joe Pucillo > Baltimore, Maryland USA > To reply by email, please remove the .xx from the address.
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Okay, I have a VERY stupid question. when you get married, does your name change to your first name, middle name and married name, or is it your first name, maiden name and marriad name? Thanks in advance.
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>Okay, I have a VERY stupid question. when you get married, does your name >change to your first name, middle name and married name, or is it your first >name, maiden name and marriad name?
Your choice. Most of your legal documents, such as your driver’s license will be FirstName, MaidenName, MarriedName. Some documents will be all four names. But all other documents (ie checking accounts) and how you wish to be known are strictly up to you. If you’re interested in tradition, the middle name is dropped in favor of continuing to use the bride’s family’s name. Hope this helps, Noe
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oh, I was advised to do this a few weeks before the wedding – it never occurred to me that it might be tempting fate! Hmmm.
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Many of the companies with whom you will want to change your name (e.g., bank, some credit cards) need proof of your name change from either new ID (i.e., social security card or driver’s license) or your marriage certificate. Credit cards, scarily enough, need a phone call. However, it’s much easier to wait until after you’re married so that you have your marriage certificate as proof of marriage, which makes the name change easier. Of course, anyone can change their name at any time, but it’s much easier if you’re changing it because of marriage and that’s much easier to do if you have proof of marriage. California, which I would bet is one of the slowest states, sends out the marriage certificate 6-8 weeks after the wedding. I’m sure other states are faster so you don’t have to wait long. — Melissa 3/18/2001
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> oh, I was advised to do this a few weeks before the wedding – it never occurred > to me that it might be tempting fate! Hmmm.
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Hi there everyone, I just have a quick question… Do you wait until after the wedding to put through the papers to change your last name, or can you do that sooner? Thanks, Tonya
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>Do you wait until after the wedding to >put through the papers to change your last name
Yes. Ron Ng Knows!
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> Hi there everyone, > I just have a quick question… Do you wait until after the wedding to > put through the papers to change your last name, or can you do that > sooner?
Do the same thing you’d do with announcements of the wedding — wait until *after* the ceremony. It’s not often, but *sometimes* something happens at the last minute that pregent the wedding from taking place. — aMAZon "It’s never too late to have a happy childhood."
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>Hi! I just changed my name last week. Here is what I did. >3. Go to the DMV. Note: I decided to keep all of my names. Legally, I >have 4 names now. The DMV guy had problems fitting two middle initials >into the driver;s license, but he was very willing to accomodate me. We >worked it out. >4. Go to the bank. This was the hardest part for me, because we had to >do a "Legal Title Change" and the bank lady was very condescending about >my desire to have 4 names.
I’m much more comfortable with the idea of appending a name than losing one of the ones I’ve got. My middle name (Hutter) was my grandmother’s maiden name. I hated it as a child but by now I’m reluctant to part with it though I don’t imagine I’ll use it very often. Anyone else have experiences with dealing with 4 names? -Liz — Liz Stokes | Hey! Where am I going? Ilaine de Cameron | And what am I doing in this handbasket? | —
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Liz, I am thinking (most likely will) about having 4 names. My middle name is not one that I would like to give up, but I am kind of feel like you are only supposed to have 3 names. My middle name "Ross" was my great aunt’s name, who I am named after, and it is my Godfather’s (who is also my favorite uncle) name. The name Ross also goes back way in my family history. Hmm. Decisions, decisions. At least I have 3 years to think about. Can I get some feedback also. By the way, what does everybody think: Lydia Ross Taplett Schmitt OR Lydia Taplett Schmitt Lydia (who won’t be making any decisions about, anytime soon) writes: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Hi! I just changed my name last week. Here is what I did. >3. Go to the DMV. Note: I decided to keep all of my names. Legally, I >have 4 names now. The DMV guy had problems fitting two middle initials >into the driver;s license, but he was very willing to accomodate me. We >worked it out. >4. Go to the bank. This was the hardest part for me, because we had to >do a "Legal Title Change" and the bank lady was very condescending about >my desire to have 4 names. >I’m much more comfortable with the idea of appending a name than losing one >of the ones I’ve got. My middle name (Hutter) was my grandmother’s maiden >name. I hated it as a child but by now I’m reluctant to part with it though >I don’t imagine I’ll use it very often. Anyone else have experiences with >dealing with 4 names? >-Liz
Lydia and Danny (The future Mr. and Mrs. Daniel R. Schmitt) October 16, 1999
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> > I never heard of anyone changing their GIVEN name when they got > married. > Janet Gunn > I have. My aunt and uncle (McAngus & Lagerstrom) got married and made > their new name Landel.
Just my 2 cents here: Someone’s ‘given name’ is their first name; their ’surname’ is their last name. I think Janet’s surprise was at someone changing their first name, whereas the next post talked about people changing their last name. -=Barbara
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>I never heard of anyone changing their GIVEN name when they got >married. >Janet Gunn
I’ve heard of people either taking on an entirely new name or creating a new name (combining their 2 last names). I’ve never known anyone personally who did this, but I have heard about it. Lisa
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>My husband and I have been married for two years, and up until now we have >both kept our given names because we have had such a problem deciding what to >do.
I never heard of anyone changing their GIVEN name when they got married. Janet Gunn
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> >My husband and I have been married for two years, and up until now we > have >both kept our given names because we have had such a problem deciding > what to >do. > I never heard of anyone changing their GIVEN name when they got > married. > Janet Gunn
I have. My aunt and uncle (McAngus & Lagerstrom) got married and made their new name Landel. They didn’t have any relatives express disaproval. I guess that is the big thing to worry about. Relatives feelings on the matter. I’m getting married August 24th but we decided to exchange last names. I don’t have anything (like luggage) that has my initials on it that will be ruined. Luckily our last names look and sound good to us or we wouldn’t have thought it a good idea. Experimenting with your own life is a little scary tho. take care, Jon. <a href="http://weber.u.washington.edu/~whatfer/jonjen.html> Our page. _ _ __ __ _| _) |_ (_/ _| (_ _ _) _ (_ |_( )_|__( >__| By Jon and Randy R. |_ _| |_ _) |_ _( /_ _|_ ___ | (_< (_) ^
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My husband and I have been married for two years, and up until now we have both kept our given names because we have had such a problem deciding what to do..we both liked the idea of adding an additional name, but in many ways it seems so complicated (especially for our future children). So, we went an entirely different route and are in the process (finally) of changing both our last names to an entirely new one. We are both going to retain our middle names, but our last names will be replaced by the new one. We chose the new name specially because of its meaning, and we feel that having a new name together symbolizes our new family well, and will be much less complicated for our children when they get married. Though somewhat unorthodox, it seems a fairly egalitarian way to go about resolving the issue of names. Kirie
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I don’t imagine I’ll use it very often. Anyone else have experiences with > dealing with 4 names? >All my life! =) My first name is Mary Jane, middle Lynn, and last was >Nather. It was never a problem with forms, etc. while I was growing up, >although I did have to be vigilant about people not using Mary or >Mary-Jane. I wanted to change my name when we married, but thought Mary >Jane Lynn Nather Shroyer sounded truly hideous. I also got a TON of >hassle from Mark’s family about changing. So I dropped my beloved middle >name *sigh* and now use my maiden name as a middle initial. >I have a friend who has 3 middle names and she had problems getting it all >to fit on her SS card, so she just used three initals–it’s a problem when >the only option on forms is "middle initial" with one space. You will >always run into the computer programs which can’t handle anything other >than the standard style of names (although many *will* print NMI for no >middle inital, so I don’t see why they can’t write code to accept at least >3 initals!), but most legal documents can still be filed with the proper >name. >I’ve also seen someone move her middle name to her first and take her >maiden as her middle–she went from Mary (Ann) Doe to Mary Ann (Doe) >Smith. It might not work for unusual middle names, but I think it’s a >pretty ingenious way of retaining all the names on forms, etc. >MJ (who is seriously considering NO middle names for her future kids to >make their married life easier =) >Mary Jane N. Shroyer "Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual >Dept. of Microbiology power. We have guided missiles and misguided >Oregon State University men. >Corvallis, OR Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.
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}>Hi! I just changed my name last week. Here is what I did. }>3. Go to the DMV. Note: I decided to keep all of my names. Legally, I }>have 4 names now. The DMV guy had problems fitting two middle initials }>into the driver;s license, but he was very willing to accomodate me. We }>worked it out.
I had a problem with the software at the DMV. Di Marco White is now my last name, but their software only allows one space for each part of the name. That’s what I get for being difficult, I guess. }>4. Go to the bank. This was the hardest part for me, because we had to }>do a "Legal Title Change" and the bank lady was very condescending about }>my desire to have 4 names. }I’m much more comfortable with the idea of appending a name than losing one }of the ones I’ve got. My middle name (Hutter) was my grandmother’s maiden }name. I hated it as a child but by now I’m reluctant to part with it though }I don’t imagine I’ll use it very often. Anyone else have experiences with }dealing with 4 names?
I’ve actually had very few problems with all the name changing things I’ve been through so far. My school has it all correct (and as they’re my employer also, that’s taken care of too). The person at the SS office had no problems with it, either. My biggest problem so far is fitting it all on the spaces I’m usually given to sign my name. — "Actually this is a common misconception…I do *not* in fact have a lot of time on my hands at all! I just have a very very very very bad sense of priorities." –Dean Engelhardt
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A few days ago I wrote a message saying that i was having no problems with having four names…Today I got my new health insurance ID card, only my name had been hyphenated. It’s starting to really annoy me, now. My employer (or, rather, someone who works in the HR department, has been changing my name to a hyphenated one. Apparrently, she just started working there, so when she saw all the forms for a name change, she thought I’d done it wrong, so she helpfully changed my name to what it wasn’t. So helpful. As if i don’t know how to fill in the blank "NAME" with my own name. So now I’m starting to get stuff in the mail with a name that isn’t mine! Why, oh, why, is it so hard? JUST COPY THE GODDAMNED NAME THAT’S ON THE PIECE OF PAPER RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR NOSE!! Sorry. I had to vent. Argh. Laurel Janna Fosnaugh Coates — MARRIAGE, n. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two. –Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary
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I feel the same way about just tossing off a part of my identity, so I now have 4 names: Was Gaelen Marie Gates, now is Gaelen Marie Auckland Gates. People have exhibited a lot of confusion about it since the wedding last month, so you should be prepared to hear: 1) So the last two names are hyphenated? 2) You’re dropping [your middle name] and having [his last name] as your middle name? 3) So are you going by Mrs. [his last name]? 4) What will people call you? *Answers: People will call me Ms. Gates (as before). My familiars will call me Gaelen. My letterhead says "Gaelen Marie Auckland Gates," with two intertwined G’s as the monogram. I sign most business/official documents as "G.M.A. Gates" or just "Gaelen Gates." Personally, I refer to myself using the name I choose, but if other people screw up, I just correct them without going into explanations (unless they ask). If you are sensitive about it and this is going to annoy you, it might be something to think about. And by the way, be sure and ask the bank what to do about gift checks from people who write them to "Mr. and Mrs. [his last name]." This has caused us some measure of hassle. Good luck! As far as having two middle names in general, it’s not all that wierd– in particular I know a few people whose parents were Catholics, in whose tradition it was considered "the norm" to give two middle names. And hey, think of W.E.B DuBois or …. I know I could think of more examples if I tried! Gaelen
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(NineWest13) writes: >>I’m much more comfortable with the idea of appending a name than losing >one >>of the ones I’ve got. My middle name (Hutter) was my grandmother’s >maiden >>name. I hated it as a child but by now I’m reluctant to part with it >though >>I don’t imagine I’ll use it very often. Anyone else have experiences >with >>dealing with 4 names? >>-Liz
I’ll have four names, too, although it’s the second-middle (or first-last?) one that will be my "married family name." Holly Ann Lewis is my birth name, my married name will be Holly Ann McCroskey Lewis. I think I’ll probably start using Holly A. M. Lewis at work on things like my cards, but I’m not going to bother changing my signature or initials when I sign memos. I suppose I’ll use the M in cases where I can only put one middle initial. I’ll use McCroskey and Lewis interchangeably as my "last" name depending on the circumstance (as my soon-to-be husband will start using McCroskey, which is already his "middle" name, as a "last" name in some circumstances). Did that confuse anybody yet? I do know someone who was given two middle names at birth, intials P.M., and he was constantly dealing with computers giving him the middle name "Pm". Holly (& Ken) 8/25/96
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: I’m much more comfortable with the idea of appending a name than losing one : of the ones I’ve got. My middle name (Hutter) was my grandmother’s maiden : name. I hated it as a child but by now I’m reluctant to part with it though : I don’t imagine I’ll use it very often. Anyone else have experiences with : dealing with 4 names? My dear friend Emily is now Emily Laurence Hayden Baya… and her hubby is now Matthew (ummmmm… ?) Hayden Baya… They each added the other’s last name and Matt (especially) seems very proud of his "extra" innitial… For the most part it’s entirely "normal" and inconsiquential except that they know it’s there and when signing official documents (checks even) they each include their middle innitial AND the H. I’d like Ken to add James to his Jacobs since I’m adding Jacobs to my James, but that’s still under discussion…. julie (who will be Julie A. J. Jacobs if I can handle all the J’s!)
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>> I don’t imagine I’ll use it very often. Anyone else have experiences with > dealing with 4 names? >All my life! =) My first name is Mary Jane, middle Lynn, and last was >Nather. It was never a problem with forms, etc. while I was growing up, >although I did have to be vigilant about people not using Mary or >Mary-Jane. I wanted to change my name when we married, but thought Mary >Jane Lynn Nather Shroyer sounded truly hideous. I also got a TON of >hassle from Mark’s family about changing. So I dropped my beloved middle >name *sigh* and now use my maiden name as a middle initial.
And it’s such a cool middle name as well!!! Carrie Lynn Leonard (who didn’t do any name changing)
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<snip> > I don’t imagine I’ll use it very often. Anyone else have experiences with > dealing with 4 names? > -Liz
Don’t have much experience yet, as I just changed/appended my name last week. :-) I’m still trying to figure out what to do for my signature — I’m used to signing with a middle initial, and two initials kinda disrupts the flow. I have noticed, though, that some people are very helpful and accommodating, while others are quite annoyed or condecending. I’m just glad to know that there are others doing the same thing. Deanne Wren Swan Akerman
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> I don’t imagine I’ll use it very often. Anyone else have experiences with > dealing with 4 names?
All my life! =) My first name is Mary Jane, middle Lynn, and last was Nather. It was never a problem with forms, etc. while I was growing up, although I did have to be vigilant about people not using Mary or Mary-Jane. I wanted to change my name when we married, but thought Mary Jane Lynn Nather Shroyer sounded truly hideous. I also got a TON of hassle from Mark’s family about changing. So I dropped my beloved middle name *sigh* and now use my maiden name as a middle initial. I have a friend who has 3 middle names and she had problems getting it all to fit on her SS card, so she just used three initals–it’s a problem when the only option on forms is "middle initial" with one space. You will always run into the computer programs which can’t handle anything other than the standard style of names (although many *will* print NMI for no middle inital, so I don’t see why they can’t write code to accept at least 3 initals!), but most legal documents can still be filed with the proper name. I’ve also seen someone move her middle name to her first and take her maiden as her middle–she went from Mary (Ann) Doe to Mary Ann (Doe) Smith. It might not work for unusual middle names, but I think it’s a pretty ingenious way of retaining all the names on forms, etc. MJ (who is seriously considering NO middle names for her future kids to make their married life easier =) Mary Jane N. Shroyer "Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual Dept. of Microbiology power. We have guided missiles and misguided Oregon State University men. Corvallis, OR Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.
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(NineWest13) writes: >Liz, >I am thinking (most likely will) about having 4 names. My middle name is >not one that I would like to give up, but I am kind of feel like you are >only supposed to have 3 names. My middle name "Ross" was my great aunt’s
((Whoops, I meant that I am named after my great aunt, Lydia Ross)) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->name, who I am named after, and it is my Godfather’s (who is also my >favorite uncle) name. The name Ross also goes back way in my family >history. Hmm. Decisions, decisions. At least I have 3 years to think >about. >Can I get some feedback also. By the way, what does everybody think: >Lydia Ross Taplett Schmitt OR Lydia Taplett Schmitt >Lydia (who won’t be making any decisions about, anytime soon) >writes: >>Hi! I just changed my name last week. Here is what I did. >>3. Go to the DMV. Note: I decided to keep all of my names. Legally, I >>have 4 names now. The DMV guy had problems fitting two middle initials >>into the driver;s license, but he was very willing to accomodate me. We >>worked it out. >>4. Go to the bank. This was the hardest part for me, because we had to >>do a "Legal Title Change" and the bank lady was very condescending about >>my desire to have 4 names. >I’m much more comfortable with the idea of appending a name than losing >one >of the ones I’ve got. My middle name (Hutter) was my grandmother’s maiden >name. I hated it as a child but by now I’m reluctant to part with it >though >I don’t imagine I’ll use it very often. Anyone else have experiences with >dealing with 4 names? >-Liz
Lydia and Danny (The future Mr. and Mrs. Daniel R. Schmitt) October 16, 1999
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I’m kinda in the same boat as you, Liz. My middle name is Faye, which I too, didn’t like as a kid. It is one of those family name traditions that have been passed on to more generations than I can count. So, I don’t really want to give it up! But as the last Csokasy, I also, don’t want to give up my last name. But, according to my family morals, I want our new lil family to have a family name. So, I’ve decided to take a fourth name (Valko) and use my middle name and my maiden name as intials to sign with. Jack has decided to become Jack Csokasy Valko in honor of my folks. I think it is cool. Do what you want and what feels good to you. O:) Leslie (and Jack ) Jan 25, 1997 – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Hi! I just changed my name last week. Here is what I did. >3. Go to the DMV. Note: I decided to keep all of my names. Legally, I >have 4 names now. The DMV guy had problems fitting two middle initials >into the driver;s license, but he was very willing to accomodate me. We >worked it out. >4. Go to the bank. This was the hardest part for me, because we had to >do a "Legal Title Change" and the bank lady was very condescending about >my desire to have 4 names. > I’m much more comfortable with the idea of appending a name than losing one > of the ones I’ve got. My middle name (Hutter) was my grandmother’s maiden > name. I hated it as a child but by now I’m reluctant to part with it though > I don’t imagine I’ll use it very often. Anyone else have experiences with > dealing with 4 names? > -Liz > — > Liz Stokes | Hey! Where am I going? > Ilaine de Cameron | And what am I doing in this handbasket? > | > —
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> I don’t imagine I’ll use it very often. Anyone else have experiences with > dealing with 4 names?
I’ve had 4 names all my life (plus a hyphenated surname), and generally find that my second middle-name gets ignored on standardized forms. I tend to not fill in any middle initial rather than just one. After the wedding?? Oh boy — could keep my surname and add his on, but that would be rather a mouthful (and something I’ve been teased about all my life). I have a brother, so am not too worried about hanging onto the Hands-Renwick (my mother’s lack of brothers precipitated the hyphenation in the first place). Four names is do-able, but be prepared to masquerade as a woman with only 2 names an awful lot. Hope this helps! Jenn Jenn Hands-Renwick In every dark closet of the soul hangs a Harvey Mudd College INFJ lightbulb. They’re not as dark as you think.
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I didn’t have any problems with having a fourth name added to my "maiden" name, except for very minor things. My name takes up two lines on my Driver’s License and my SS card. The bank had problems fitting my new name on the ATM card, but no big whoop–I just used my initials. The only places I was adamant about making sure all four names show–Laurel Janna Fosnaugh Coates–was my SS card, my CA Driver’s License, and my tax forms. Everything was going fine until someone in the main office at the company where I work started thinking too much, and she re-changed my name into Laurel Janna Fosnaugh-Coates. Arrgh! So I’m still dealing with that one, and it’s been two months since I changed my name. But I guess I have to be patient (tap tap tapping my foot, let’s get this thing OVER with, people). Laurel Janna Can’t Stand Hyphens Fosnaugh Coates — MARRIAGE, n. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two. –Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary
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>Does anyone have a list of places where I need to go to change my name >after I am married? Also, what does soc. sec. and driver’s license >require for proof? Will they need a copy of the marriage license? >Jeanette > # # # Jeanette Jackson > # # College Park, MD August 31, 1996
Jeanette, Everywhere you can think of, for example car insurance, house/apartment insurance, banks, credit cards, bills in your name now, health insurance, tax man, etc. etc. Depending on how many official things you have in your name the list can go on and on. Although many may not require the licence you’ll have to find out. I personally am racking my brain not to forget anything. Have fun Andrea and Stev Aug.17, 1996
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Hi! I just changed my name last week. Here is what I did. 1. Get a copy of our marriage license 2. Go to Soc. Security. They will send you a new card in the mail, but give you a piece of paper ststing that you applied for a new one. This paper has both your old and new names on it. 3. Go to the DMV. Note: I decided to keep all of my names. Legally, I have 4 names now. The DMV guy had problems fitting two middle initials into the driver;s license, but he was very willing to accomodate me. We worked it out. 4. Go to the bank. This was the hardest part for me, because we had to do a "Legal Title Change" and the bank lady was very condescending about my desire to have 4 names. 5. Call credit cards. They did not ask for any proof that i was married, and this was taken care of over the phone. I still have to tell work and grad school, but that can wait until August. Hope this helps Cheryl G. M. Newman (See? That isn’t tricky at all)
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> Does anyone have a list of places where I need to go to change my name > after I am married? Also, what does soc. sec. and driver’s license > require for proof? Will they need a copy of the marriage license? > Jeanette
The list of places varies per person of course but the biggies are: SSN, Driver’s Lic., bank or investment accounts, loans, credit cards, employer records, children’s school records, insurance plans which have you as beneficiary, insurance policies, bills, and passport. For social security, just call your local office for the form. It tells you what to include. You will need to send them a marriage license. I got 5 certified copies from the town clerk for these purposes. Some places you notify about your name will return the lic. to you, others will not so best to have plenty of copies. SS does return the license. For Driver’s Lic, (in MA anyway), you just have to show them the license in person and they change the license right there. Not sure about banks. My mother works at the bank so I just gave her my license and she took care of everything and brought the license back. I had to sign new signature cards, that’s all. Bills, loans and credit cards accepted a letter stating the change. No license needed to be sent except to the car loan people. For passport, there is a form you can get from the post office. You must send in your original passport and marriage license and they’ll send you the updated the passport back. I don’t think I got the lic. back from them. Cathy (& Matt) 11 Sept 94
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>Does anyone have a list of places where I need to go to change my name >after I am married? Also, what does soc. sec. and driver’s license >require for proof? Will they need a copy of the marriage license? >Jeanette
As soon as I received my marriage license in the mail, I called the SS office and requested the form (It’s FREE, in case you see anything offering to do it for $15). I sent in the form with the marriage license, and they sent my new SS card within 2 weeks. After that, I went down to the DMV and changed the license. They required the license, too, and I had to go all the way home and get it. When in doubt, take the license with you. It would never hurt! Beth = "The C students run the world." = = Harry S Truman =
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Does anyone have a list of places where I need to go to change my name after I am married? Also, what does soc. sec. and driver’s license require for proof? Will they need a copy of the marriage license? Jeanette # # # Jeanette Jackson # # College Park, MD August 31, 1996
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>Does anyone have a list of places where I need to go to change my name >after I am married?
You can take a certified copy of your marriage license with you and let any agency needing a copy for their files make their own from yours. (I found going to the courthouse for yet another certified copy got old pretty fast; finally I just kept insisting that they could have their own notary sign a statement that their copy WAS a copy of a certified license and wore down their resistance. Here’s a list to get you started on who to notify: bank accounts major credit cards department store credit cards life insurance policies retirement plans student loan title to car car tags/license plates title to house (Well, actually the mortgage papers) Driver’s license Social Security cards IRS records Academic records Business cards email accounts… —