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my pdoc appointment
Question:
[snip], sorry. The sheer volume and run-on quality of the writing certainly indicates the onset or increase of a manic episode. But the /content/ really indicates something else entirely: a positive feedback loop in which your fear is feeding on itself. This is a cognitive condition, not a bipolar condition; however, it is so common that paranoia (which this is) is commonly listed in the constellation of manic symptoms. You keep saying "what if this happens," and then /respond to yourself/ as though it /already had happened/. I was bipolar long before there was accurate diagnosis, let alone actual treatment. I had to learn how to come to a screeching halt even in the middle of a tantrum. Not /always/ successful, but mostly. Method: admit as knowledge only what you can prove to be true, and let speculations take care of themselves. Indeed, you must learn to tell speculations to go to hell, no matter how scary — or tasty. — dmh http://blitz.org/fishhook/
Response:
>I wonder whether the professor will find a >way to pass the buck maybe to God. >I still don’t believe I can possibly hallucinate anything relevant.
*I just love your way with words Jay!!* Good luck with the professor. I had some special consultations on me, too. Even an hour long "case conference" in which the hospital’s psychiatric director interviewed me in front of a room full of medical staff, my psychiatrist and therapist. Then I was told to leave while all the rest of them stayed to talk about me. Maybe they will write articles about us. Yours will be in "Journal of British Psychosis" and mine will be in "American Psychosis Journal." — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
Response:
Had a pdoc appointment today and am hypomanic so have the goodbad result of an increased prescription for the carbemazepine (tegretol) from 400mg to 600mg twice a day right now of course I’m not so sure I want it to work but I will take it like a good girl and maybe it will smooth things out a bit more. These things can’t be helped and my little boy is ill which always stresses me out as then I can’t work and I feel bad about letting them down etc etc have to take holiday or work weekends or whatever. Excuse the breathless sentences it always take me this way. Anyhow they are still puzzling and fretting over me the pdoc want s asecond opinion is going to refer me on to the professor believe it or not !!!! This is all still this business about work they are not sure whether I am safe to be let loose behind the microscope of course meanwhile they are letting me go to work meanwhile I have been back since June crazy isn’t it. I wonder whether the professor will find a way to pass the buck maybe to God. (So far it’s gone occupational nurse -> occupational health doctor -> psychiatrist -> consultant psychiatrist boy am I tired of telling them everything from the beginning again) What will they do, stop me working? I have had this (type of) job since 1986 I have spent years and money training to do it I am very good at it I love it I like getting out of the house and going to work. OK its a source of stress at least when the kids are ill but damn it I’ll fight it if they try to take it away. I am truthful and honest and open with them and then they turn it all against me. Perhaps I can do them for disability discrimination. I still don’t believe I can possibly hallucinate anything relevant. If I have a hallucination down the microscope I will see a giant (tiny) chicken or the chromosomes will go a different colour. I won’t hallucinate somebody having Down syndrome when they don’t. And OK, i don’t concentrate so well when I’m hypo, but if it got so bad I really couldn’t concentrate I’d go sick. If I get a bit funny when I’m not _that_ bad just a bit down or a bit up I just try extra hard and triple check everything before passing it on for checking by someone else. I’m not irresponsible, not about work. I know how important it is! Some of you will say I should never have told them what was wrong with me but I told my boss impulsively on the phone when I was in hospital manic and anyway I think Occupational Health would have insisted on contacting my doctor, they’re pretty keen about stuff like that when you’ve been off sick any length of time. I should shut up and go away poor C is on his own downstairs watching the Jungle Book. He’s a little bit better today I got a smile out of him just now. Jackie Web page at http://dspace.dial.pipex.com/town/close/xhq10/mem.htm I’ve been Jay H, Canarybird, Empty Cage, Serin, Phoenix, even Crow. Let’s see if I can stick with this one for a while.