Business History Books » Business Consultant » b/f is in hospital, psychotic mania. i lied to get him there
b/f is in hospital, psychotic mania. i lied to get him there
Question:
Your lie was necessary and appropriate. I am bipolar and would expect my significant other to do the same for me, up to and including lying. The greater lie would have been to refuse to do anything to help him. That would have been a great betrayal of your love and friendship. I have to confess that I have few inhibitions about lying when I think others’ feelings are at stake, so I don’t know how much you can trust me when I say that your lie was the right thing to do. But I’m convinced that it was, esp. in light of your second posting of his symptoms. Nobody should be in the space he was in. I’ve been manic and hospitalized for it and the mania is not a place anyone wants to be in. We just can’t help it without meds. YOU DID THE RIGHT THING. –Allegra
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> the subject says it all. now he is awaiting ch 51.15. i told police he wanted > to ram his truck into a tree and die. now i feel like absolute *hit and have > many regrets about how i got him in the hospital. i am NOT sorry he is > hospitalized but feel guilty about lying. i did make him a promise a few > months ago that if he ever gets manic that i would get him to the best hospital > and use the police if necessary. trouble is now i think he hates me. I love > him with all my heart. that is, I love the real man not the manic man. but i > guess i love him enough to give up our relationship to give him his life back. > what do you think, will he hate me forever?
Response:
Ok. Here are some questions and what I think. My opinions only because you asked, ok? Keep in mind you don’t know me and I AM being nice. Here goes: 1. What are you doing living with an unmedicated mentally ill person for nine months when you are already married. You couldn’t get divorced first? Out of the frying pan into the fire? None of my business I know. Just seems real stupid to me. Doesn’t sound like you’re in a stable place to be able to help him. And it IS my opinion. 2. Is your boyfriend gainfully employed? Is he able to hold down a steady job? Be a productive human being? I’ve had some rather bizaare thoughts too… angles, aliens, god, etc. I hope the vet didn’t put the dog down without an examination first. 3. How long have you known him? He just might be a master chef, master dog trainer, master consultant…. 4. What was the lawyer for? 5. What is/was is diagnosis, and is/was he being medicated for it? 6. Was he any physical danger to himself or others, and if so, why did you have to lie to get him in? Was there a problem with the Emergency room? Was insurance a problem? The psych ward, or the "hospital" is not a fun place to be, and in my opinion NO ONE should EVER be forced to go there UNLESS they ARE a danger. Now… Check the phones for bugs, call an attorney and get a divorce. Then go to the post office and pick up your mail. I do wish you the best. Linda – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >here is the info…been living together for 9 months. he is 38 i am 32. he >thought he was the Son of Christ. He spent all of our money. He brought our >dogs to the emergency room to have one put to sleep. he thought he was a >master chef, master dog trainer, master consultant… he thought he had the >power to marry us in bed. even thought i am still legally married. he thinks >i am pregnant with quadruplets. i am unable to bear children. he knows that. >he thinks that the mailman is holding our mail. he thinks that there is a >conspiracy to overtake the world and that only he can change it. he keeps >asking for team members to help him with his task of saving the world. he >thinks he owns the hospital that he is in. and he wants to overtake it. he >earned 7 tickets from police in the week prior to admission to the hospital. >it took 4 officers to get handcuffs on him. he thinks our phones are bugged. >he thinks that the lawyer that was court appointed to him is really there to >help him get his millions back. he slept only 4 hours total in 2 weeks prior >to admission. he was eating very small amounts if anything at all. Did i do >the right thing by lying???
Response:
thanks linda
Response:
I love you Robert. Linda – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Did i do >the right thing by lying??? >I think so, you were faced with a tough choice and I think you made >the right call. Now that he is hospitalized the doctors will be able >to find medication that can keep him more stable. Speaking as a man I >think that he might be angry with you at first but he should realize >this was your only right decision. The great debate on forcing someone >into getting help came to me with my Mom, she was reticent to go into >the doctors office for help, people drug there feet…….shes dead >now. You did the right thing. >Web Page at: http://www.robertpo.com
Response:
> When you marry him, it will give you >more control over what happens to him in given circumstances. I mean, if >you >guys are going down that track, it only makes sense. Wives have more say >so.
Your scarring me 
Web Page at: http://www.robertpo.com
Response:
You should be scared baby. L – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> When you marry him, it will give you >more control over what happens to him in given circumstances. I mean, if >you >guys are going down that track, it only makes sense. Wives have more say >so. >Your scarring me >Web Page at: http://www.robertpo.com
Response:
Ok. Thank you for answering my questions… >1. What are you doing living with an unmedicated mentally ill person for >months when you are already married. You couldn’t get divorced first? >I have been separated from my physically abusive husband for 3 years…my >divorce was supposed to be finalized a long time ago.
My advice here, though you don’t ask for it, is to get a divorce. Make a clean break of it and then marry this guy… but not necessarily for moral reasons… that makes no difference. When you marry him, it will give you more control over what happens to him in given circumstances. I mean, if you guys are going down that track, it only makes sense. Wives have more say so. > I hope the vet didn’t put the dog down without an examination first. >He didn’t take the dog to a vet but to the hospital emergency room.
Please don’t take this wrong… hahahahaha Linda
Response:
>>3. How long have you known him? He just might be a master chef, master dog >trainer, master consultant…. >He is a very, very intelligent man with strong ambition. He was having >delusions of grandeur…>
This in itself is not grounds to be put in the hospital… >4. What was the lawyer for? >Court appointed. To do the ch 51
I don’t know what this is. >5. What is/was is diagnosis, and is/was he being medicated for it? >He is Bipolar 1 and yes he was treated in the hospital several times. He >stopped taking his meds like 15 months ago.
Again…. not a reason to be hospitalized. >6. Was he any physical danger to himself or others, and if so, why did you >have to lie to get him in? Was there a problem with the Emergency room? >Did i mention that he was walking down the middle of the road trying to direct >traffic? we live on main street. The police, I believe 14 in all, admitted >that he was "nuttier than a fruitcake" but there was nothing they could do. He >would laugh when the police left…because he outsmarted them. He was hanging >out our second story window thinking there were new cameras at the neighbors >house.
Again…. nothing to be hospitalized over… Usually traffic on main street through town is 25/35 mph, and if I saw someone in the street, I’d slow down and go around them. Also, a second story fall wouldn’t have killed him. >I truly believe he would have died if he did not get in the hospital. If not >by his own actions, then maybe from all the people (neighbors, people at the >bar, family) who would have like to wring his neck!!! >Linda, I respect your opinion. For my defense, I would like to say that I >truly, deeply love this man and did the best I could to help him. I wish you >the best also.
I understand your fears regarding his actions, and I respect that you did what you felt you needed to do. Given the circumstances at the time, who knows what I may have done. I’m not saying what you did was wrong. It takes a lot of balls to stand by one of us, and I do have tons of respect for you doing that. I just feel… again in my opinion alone… that maybe when he gets out you two could sit down and plot a course of action for the next time it happens. Possibly contact his pdoc first… maybe take him to the emergency room and explain what is happening. There is such a thing as checking himself in voluntarily too. These are just some points to ponder together when he gets out. I’m sure he knows you love him. Especially since you loved him enough to see him safe. You done good. Linda
Response:
>3. How long have you known him? He just might be a master chef, master dog >trainer, master consultant….
He is a very, very intelligent man with strong ambition. He was having delusions of grandeur…> 4. What was the lawyer for? Court appointed. To do the ch 51 >5. What is/was is diagnosis, and is/was he being medicated for it?
He is Bipolar 1 and yes he was treated in the hospital several times. He stopped taking his meds like 15 months ago. >6. Was he any physical danger to himself or others, and if so, why did you >have to lie to get him in? Was there a problem with the Emergency room?
Did i mention that he was walking down the middle of the road trying to direct traffic? we live on main street. The police, I believe 14 in all, admitted that he was "nuttier than a fruitcake" but there was nothing they could do. He would laugh when the police left…because he outsmarted them. He was hanging out our second story window thinking there were new cameras at the neighbors house. I truly believe he would have died if he did not get in the hospital. If not by his own actions, then maybe from all the people (neighbors, people at the bar, family) who would have like to wring his neck!!! Linda, I respect your opinion. For my defense, I would like to say that I truly, deeply love this man and did the best I could to help him. I wish you the best also.
Response:
>1. What are you doing living with an unmedicated mentally ill person for >nine >months when you are already married. You couldn’t get divorced first?
I have been separated from my physically abusive husband for 3 years…my divorce was supposed to be finalized a long time ago. >2. Is your boyfriend gainfully employed? Is he able to hold down a steady >job? Be a productive human being?
Yes, in fact, i work for him and with him. He has his own small business which we do well with. > I hope the vet didn’t put the dog down >without an examination first.
He didn’t take the dog to a vet but to the hospital emergency room.
Response:
YES You did the right thing!! I have had severe highs (when unmedicated) and believe me the general public will "swallow" and be decieved by my most bizarre antics and believed I was normal. This results in, 1 catastrophies for me and family overspending, pranging the car, loosing my job, and 2 You end up not getting treatment until much further down the line, which means you are worse and it takes longer to get well. Even medical staff are sometimes hard to convince that you are "high". Hugss++ to you, yes, yes, yes, you did the right thing. I hope you can now be strong and weather the storms, cos with a bit of luck your guy *will* eventually realise that you have done the very best thing for him. This is soo tough, Best wishes Annette
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> the subject says it all. now he is awaiting ch 51.15. i told police he wanted > to ram his truck into a tree and die. now i feel like absolute *hit and have > many regrets about how i got him in the hospital. i am NOT sorry he is > hospitalized but feel guilty about lying. i did make him a promise a few > months ago that if he ever gets manic that i would get him to the best hospital > and use the police if necessary. trouble is now i think he hates me. I love > him with all my heart. that is, I love the real man not the manic man. but i > guess i love him enough to give up our relationship to give him his life back. > what do you think, will he hate me forever?
Response:
of course he won’t hate you. when he calms down he will remember that he asked you to put him in hospital under these cicumstances. you probably need some rest yourself. you did the right thing. look at the alternative–he is dead from car crash.
Response:
It sounds like you did very much the right hting by getting him to the hospital… it’s terrible you had to lie to do it, but thats not your fault… did you think that the police wouldn’t help if you told them he was psychotic?????? cause someoene in that starte REALY NEEDS TO BE SOMEWHERE SAFE… and the hospital’s the place for htem… i’m sure that if your bf waws rational, he’d thank you for doing it… [huggels] — Kaji/Karenji – dragon/human Shifter depending on mood… *New Dragon Code COMING (one blue moon or another) *ICQ 55339701 – feel free to message me to chat *http://www.labyrinth.net.au/~gsj/Index.html *Wingsister to Viriatha, Tanith, Hespa and Caitlin/Amberynth *Lover of Chocolate, and Occasional Giver of Chocolate Points *Self-Appointed Guardian of the Southern Spring *Keeper of the Sunnydale Lost and Found
Response:
the subject says it all. now he is awaiting ch 51.15. i told police he wanted to ram his truck into a tree and die. now i feel like absolute *hit and have many regrets about how i got him in the hospital. i am NOT sorry he is hospitalized but feel guilty about lying. i did make him a promise a few months ago that if he ever gets manic that i would get him to the best hospital and use the police if necessary. trouble is now i think he hates me. I love him with all my heart. that is, I love the real man not the manic man. but i guess i love him enough to give up our relationship to give him his life back. what do you think, will he hate me forever?
Response:
Not enough information to tell. We know no other details but what you’ve typed here. Not enough… How long have you been with him? Living together? Seeing each other? Children involved? How old are you? How old is he? What sorts of psychotic manic things was he doing to warrant hospitalization? Have you spoken with him since? How do you KNOW he hates you? Really important for you to note here: The manic man is PART of the real man. You can’t leave it…. it comes part and parcel with him. Learn to deal with it or leave him now. Please give us more information so that we can help you. Linda – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >the subject says it all. now he is awaiting ch 51.15. i told police he wanted >to ram his truck into a tree and die. now i feel like absolute *hit and have >many regrets about how i got him in the hospital. i am NOT sorry he is >hospitalized but feel guilty about lying. i did make him a promise a few >months ago that if he ever gets manic that i would get him to the best hospital >and use the police if necessary. trouble is now i think he hates me. I love >him with all my heart. that is, I love the real man not the manic man. but i >guess i love him enough to give up our relationship to give him his life back. >what do you think, will he hate me forever?
Response:
> Did i do >the right thing by lying???
I think so, you were faced with a tough choice and I think you made the right call. Now that he is hospitalized the doctors will be able to find medication that can keep him more stable. Speaking as a man I think that he might be angry with you at first but he should realize this was your only right decision. The great debate on forcing someone into getting help came to me with my Mom, she was reticent to go into the doctors office for help, people drug there feet…….shes dead now. You did the right thing. Web Page at: http://www.robertpo.com
Response:
You’ve had a hard decision to make here, and a lot of compassion goes out to you. On the one hand, you, by your own admission, have lied, but on the other, if you had done nothing, your partner may have caused himself, or by accident, others, harm. If you had not lied, I think the time would have come when your partner may have found himself hospitalised anyway. In my humble opinion, I think that you have merely accelerated the process of his hospitalisation, and therefore hopefully his recovery. I am fortunate that my mania has never reached such extremes, but if it did, I would be grateful to have someone to protect me from myself, as you have done for your partner. I shouldn’t expect him to thank you for it straightaway, though. Best wishes to both of you geoff hands across the ocean
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> here is the info…been living together for 9 months. he is 38 i am 32. he > thought he was the Son of Christ. He spent all of our money. He brought our > dogs to the emergency room to have one put to sleep. he thought he was a > master chef, master dog trainer, master consultant… he thought he had the > power to marry us in bed. even thought i am still legally married. he thinks > i am pregnant with quadruplets. i am unable to bear children. he knows that. > he thinks that the mailman is holding our mail. he thinks that there is a > conspiracy to overtake the world and that only he can change it. he keeps > asking for team members to help him with his task of saving the world. he > thinks he owns the hospital that he is in. and he wants to overtake it. he > earned 7 tickets from police in the week prior to admission to the hospital. > it took 4 officers to get handcuffs on him. he thinks our phones are bugged. > he thinks that the lawyer that was court appointed to him is really there to > help him get his millions back. he slept only 4 hours total in 2 weeks prior > to admission. he was eating very small amounts if anything at all. Did i do > the right thing by lying???
Response:
> here is the info..
gross snippage … > Did i do > the right thing by lying???
Absolutely! The shame is that you felt you needed to, and that probably, as you thought, the cops would not have helped if you had just called and told them what the situation was. Here in the UK if you’d have called his pdoc the pdoc may have turned up with the police and had him forcibly admitted that way, or even a general doc or social worker could have done the same thing, again they probably would have got the police to turn up with them. Actually when things get to that pitch it’s never an easy solution and quite often the police will be involved when it’s considered that the patient is a risk to himself or others. I am surprised that if he took your dogs to the emergency room that no-one there had the sense to get an evaluation on him as to his mental state. I hope you’re not really scared by all that’s been happening. The meds really got me off the ceiling – eventually – I remember when I was psychotic that I thought the hospital was actually an ocean liner (some holiday!) – and it is possible to pick up the pieces as far as relationships go, once I got back in the real world – it took me 6 months of hospitalisation. He’s lucky to have a friend like you who showed tough love when it was (desperately) needed. Best wishes, — Anne Marshall
Response:
here is the info…been living together for 9 months. he is 38 i am 32. he thought he was the Son of Christ. He spent all of our money. He brought our dogs to the emergency room to have one put to sleep. he thought he was a master chef, master dog trainer, master consultant… he thought he had the power to marry us in bed. even thought i am still legally married. he thinks i am pregnant with quadruplets. i am unable to bear children. he knows that. he thinks that the mailman is holding our mail. he thinks that there is a conspiracy to overtake the world and that only he can change it. he keeps asking for team members to help him with his task of saving the world. he thinks he owns the hospital that he is in. and he wants to overtake it. he earned 7 tickets from police in the week prior to admission to the hospital. it took 4 officers to get handcuffs on him. he thinks our phones are bugged. he thinks that the lawyer that was court appointed to him is really there to help him get his millions back. he slept only 4 hours total in 2 weeks prior to admission. he was eating very small amounts if anything at all. Did i do the right thing by lying???